How It Happened
by shephards
Summary: They got together, they got engaged, they broke up - but we never got to see the ins and outs of all this. I miss these characters terribly, so here's my attempt at filling in the off-island gaps in the love story of Jack and Kate. Total WIP.
1. Chapter 1

Greetings! The show might have finished five years ago (FIVE) but I still watch it reguarly and miss it loads. I especially, especially, _especially_ miss Jack and Kate. I wish more than anything we had gotten more scenes with them off-island, learning what _exactly_ went down. Don't get me wrong, what we got to see was great - but I'm greedy. So to satisfy my urge, I had to imagine what I think was the most likely path they took, and how it all played out.

I've tried my best to work out the timeline, but if it occasionally looks a bit out-of-order, just let me know. Also this is totally work in progress - I've written about five chapters so far and it's taken me months, but I'm really enjoying it.

Hey, perhaps nobody will be interested in this, but that's cool. Or maybe some of you will enjoy it - let me know, if so. :)

Chapter One

There wasn't anyone there to meet her when they climbed off the chopper – climbed back in to the real world. This is what she had wanted, so desperately, to get back to – and for a fleeting moment she wished she wasn't back at all. She had known there would be nobody waiting to greet her with a smile – just with handcuffs. Then a hand ( _his_ hand, she knew) found the small of her back, and she heard his voice in her ear.

"You ok?"

He asked her that a lot. Sometimes, his concern irritated her – had she not proven that she could look after herself? But she appreciated it just now. She looked up at him, his eyes gazing down at her intently, his attention solely on her in the middle of all this furore – people were embracing around them, shouting, rushing past – but she found a vague feeling of stability in the midst of it all. If she had openly answered yes, she would have been lying, but she pursed her lips and nodded.

The feds would want to speak to her. They knew it; they had even discussed it, briefly. On the boat. On the chopper, too. Or, as much as Jack and Kate could properly discuss such an uncomfortable topic. And so partly to put off the moment, and partly because, for reasons Jack both heartily acknowledged and blissfully ignored, he wanted to introduce Kate to his mother, Jack guided Kate through the small throng of people to where he had left Margo standing, waiting for him to return.

"I get you back from the dead and you disappear on me again!" She was smiling at him. Beaming, in fact. Jack even managed a grin back.

Kate appeared at his side and caught Margo's attention. The three of them were all aware that Margo knew exactly who Kate was. She had seen the news. _ESCAPED FUGITIVE PREVIOUSLY FEARED DEAD RETURNS TO FACE MURDER TRIAL,_ most of the headlines couldn't exactly avoid them. But Jack must have said something to her, because her greeting verged on warmth. She cooed over Aaron, complimented Kate, said Aaron was a gorgeous little boy. Jack stood close at her side, watching Kate as she awkwardly accepted the compliments. He was aware that he was essentially introducing a fugitive to his mother, but at the same time was fiercely happy that he was _introducing Kate to his mother._ A scenario he had never, really, imagined happening. Perhaps only in his wildest daydreams, in a world devoid of islands, and plane crashes, of quick-witted southerners, and of mugshots… Jack smiled at his mother, but it didn't quite reach his eyes – he knew the lies had begun. And he hated it already. It made him uneasy.

But he had to be the strong one, he had to lead them in this. He had convinced the others to go along with it, after all…

The next thirty minutes were organised chaos. Oceanic officials eventually shepherded the limited crowd away and steered the survivors to a building, where the Six were briefed on what was to happen next. They were to be taken to a hotel, to settle for the time being, while they got their affairs back in order. Oceanic were going all out on the compensation front.

The lady from the chopper asked to speak to Kate outside for a moment. Kate obliged – like she had any other choice. She headed towards Sun and gently passed Aaron over, giving him a quick kiss before she did so. "I'll be back soon, ok?"

Jack had been keeping an eye on Kate to see how she reacted to all this, but so far she hadn't met his glances. As she made her way towards the lady from Oceanic, she passed Jack, and, finally, caught his gaze. Jack knew full well she could fend for herself, but he saw the well-hidden fear in her eyes, the desire now to run, but with absolutely nowhere to run _to_ – was she going back in to custody? Did she regret leaving the island, if all that was waiting for her was a cell? She didn't break her stride but he fell in to step behind her, stopping by a grey car.

The Oceanic official looked apologetic as she got straight to it. "Miss Austen. This will come as no surprise to you, I'm sure – there are two men in this car who need to speak to you. If you go with them now, they assure me that given… given the circumstances, you aren't going to be arrested right here, right now. But they do need to speak to you. If you-"

"Right now? You're making her go with them right now?" Jack interrupted, the tone of his voice incredulous, unfolding his arms almost as though to gesticulate in protest. His manner was brash. Kate didn't want him making a scene here... she had already spotted some well-hidden cameras.

"Mr Shephard, I know you have all been through an incredible ordeal, and believe me when I say I'm not underestimating that, but Miss Austen's situation _here_ remains the same-"

Jack cut her off again, a humourless half-laugh leaving his lips. "We only just got back, Jesus Christ – let the woman sleep first, let her readjust-"

"Jack." This time it was Kate that interrupted. "Leave it. It's fine. I have to do this sooner or later."

"With all due respect Miss Austen, it has to happen sooner." The lady re-joined the conversation. "But as I say – they just want to speak to you for the time being. What has happened to you has been remarkable, and it does change the way… the way things will proceed from now on. If you go with them now, they've assured me they will drive you back to the hotel later on and you can start to discuss the legal proceedings with Oceanic."

Great.

"I'll go with you," Jack was saying, his hand landing on her elbow and she turned slightly towards him.

"Mr Shephard-"

"Jack, I told you. Leave it." Jack had reacted badly, but Kate had been preparing herself for this for a long time.

"I'll be right over there." The official headed back toward the other survivors.

"Kate, let me come with you." Jack said immediately.

She smiled, somehow, her irritation at Jack's brashness thinning as she saw the concern in his eyes. The reality of her situation was only now hitting home for him. At least she had known exactly what was coming. "Jack. Stop it - I'll be fine. You heard the lady – I'll be at the hotel in a couple of hours."

Jack ran his hand through his hair. Classic sign he was worried about something. "You sure you'll be ok?"

"I'll be ok." She glanced away from him, back towards the others. "You did it, huh? We're home."

Jack pursed his lips and shook his head slightly, looking back towards the chopper that they had landed on. "Not sure how much credit I can take for this."

A man got out the car beside them. "Time to go." It seemed he had a more no-nonsense approach than the lady from Oceanic.

"Guess I'll see you later." Kate felt like she was the one reassuring Jack even though it was her that was being carted off in a police car.

"Yeah. Be – good luck." He stumbled over his words. He didn't know what to say. They just got back, and they were hauling her off… already? That's not how it was supposed to be, surely? He stood there for a moment, bereft, then realised he ought to pull himself together. _She_ was the one being carted off in the police car, after all... "Yeah. It'll be ok." He offered her a small smile, acknowledging that he knew he worried about her too much. "I'll be there, at the hotel. When you get back."

She gave him a small smile. "Don't wait up."

Without thinking too much about it, Jack took a small step towards Kate and gently, loosely, wrapped his arms around her, hugging her lightly, not sure if she would appreciate his attempt at reassurance or not. It turned out she did – she pulled him tighter to her, one hand on the back of his head, fingers scratching at the exposed skin at the top of his shirt. Jack squeezed her against him, his face, for a moment, nestled in the nape of her neck. He realised as he inhaled her that he had needed this contact perhaps more than she did. They hadn't shared many hugs – in fact, if he remembered correctly, the last time she had hugged him, she had stolen his walkie. It kind of reminded him that she could fend for herself. So he pulled away, hands lingering on her arms for a moment before the policeman opened the car door for her. Kate and Jack averted their eyes as she got in.

Then, not for the last time, he watched her drive away from him.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys - thank you ever so much for the reviews and the follows and stuff! So chuffed there are still folk out there who still love the show as much as I do! Well, hope you like this chapter. Sorry they are so slow in coming - I'm trying to pace myself so I don't run out of chapters that I've already written! Finding it a bit tricky to exactly write Jack's mood at this point. I feel like I can understand and describe where he's at, emotionally, at this point - but I find it hard to put in to writing. Anyhow - hope this is to your liking :)

Chapter Two

The hotel was nice. Or at least, Jack thought it was. It would have been hard to provide him with a hotel which didn't seem nice, after his more recent living conditions.

Everything happened quite quickly when they arrived at the hotel, thankfully not greeted by any press. They were given room keys and told to reconvene at 8pm in Conference Room 15. And that was it. Then they were left to their own devices.

Jack's room was big. He took in the view. He could hear the buzz of the city, even from up here. It was foreign to him, after the peacefulness he had known recently. Jack went to explore the complimentary alcohol cabinet. He rolled one of the tiny vodka bottles in his hand before unscrewing it and downing it in one. Wincing slightly at the heat on his throat, he recalled the last time he had tasted vodka – on the plane. Grabbing another bottle, but adding it to orange juice from the fridge this time, Jack then re-familiarised himself with a computer and headed to the internet. He typed in google. Searched a few things – the news. Surprisingly boring. The Red Sox. Himself. _'TRAGIC TALE OF HEROIC SPINAL SURGEON.'_ Oceanic Airlines. _'OCEANIC FLIGHT 815 SURVIVORS FOUND.'_ Kate. ' _FUGITIVE AMONGST CRASH SURVIVORS; WANTED FOR MURDER, ARSON.'_

Torn between horrible intrigue and sudden exhaustion, Jack read on for a little while, nursing his drink. But it turned out his bed was the best thing of all. He didn't think he'd be able to sleep so easily, but the moment his head hit the pillow, he was out, mind swimming with images of mugshots, beaches, newspaper headlines, radio towers, water and flashing cameras.

A knock on his door was what woke him from his slumber.

The room was dark now, and Jack stumbled over his suit jacket and shoes as he headed for the door. When he opened it, he had to wince against the harsh white lights in the corridor.

"Kate. Shit. What time is it?" He blinked furiously, trying to adjust to the light. Jack stepped back and held the door open for her, and she moved in to the room. He managed to shut the door again and was oblivious to the awkward moment where they stood in the dark as he fumbled for the dimmer switch and set it to an appropriately low level of brightness.

Kate found herself rather amused at his dishevelled state. She had half expected him to have been waiting in the lobby for her, or to call by her room.

"Am I interrupting your beauty sleep?" she teased, surprising herself and forgetting momentarily where she had spent the last few hours.

"Shit." He said again, rubbing his eyes and becoming more alert. "What time is it?"

"It's nearly 8. Hurley told me this was your room. Hope you don't mind. Thought I would come and see if you're ready for the briefing. Good job I did, huh?"

He looked at her intently. "How'd it go?"

She nodded, cast her eyes downward slightly. "It was ok. I know where things stand. Need to get myself a lawyer." She looked back up at him.

He realised she probably didn't want to rake back over the past few hours and so left it at that. "Good."

"So the beds are that comfortable, huh?" She padded over towards where he had been sleeping. The duvet was ruffled and there was a pillow about to fall off the bed.

"You just wait." Jack stuck his hands in his pockets. He noticed she had gotten changed. More casual now; a dark green top which brought out the colour in her eyes – or would have, had Jack not set the dimmer switch so low.

She sunk on to his bed, acted like she was testing it out. Bounced up and down a couple of times. "Nope. Not as good as mine."

"Yours?" Jack raised an eyebrow and stepped nearer to the bed, feet colliding with his jacket again. "You mean, your bed in the room two doors down from me?"

"Yep. Mine definitely looks more comfortable than yours." She smiled at him, for the first time in quite a long time, and he returned it. They were silent for a moment. Mundane, senseless humour – they found solace in it; in each other.

"We're in a room. We're actually in a room." Kate looked around her. "Me and you are in a room. We've never been in a room together before, have we?" She knew it sounded ridiculous.

Jack laughed. "Alone in a hotel room. Who'd have thought it?" He heard the implications as soon as he spoke the sentence, but he let it hang in the air anyway, and held her eye – there was something suddenly, silently intense in the way she looked up at him.

Another knock on the door drew Jack from his reverie for the second time. "Dude. Are you coming? Lady said we gotta be there in five minutes. Did Kate come and find you?"

Jack opened the door to Hurley, still stood with his fist raised. He took in Jack, shirt untucked and still dishevelled from his nap, and then saw Kate sat behind him on the bed.

"I'll uh, I'll see you down there dude."


	3. Chapter 3

Hello! Yes, it is I! I have returned! So sorry for the long wait for this. I lost my hard-drive a few months ago, which of course had all my work for this fic on it. So I wallowed in self pity for quite a few months but I put a stop to that recently and have tried my best to start again with this. Not sure if I've picked up the voices quite as well - but I've tried my best. Hope you guys enjoy this. Thanks so so so much for the reviews :))))

Chapter Three

A small knock on Kate's door made her look up. She frowned and got up, making her way across the room. As she opened the door, she was greeted by a noticeably disheveled looking Jack. He held her eye for a moment and fiddled with the rim of his untucked shirt, but soon enough he let his eyes drop to the floor. Almost ashamedly, without saying anything, he shuffled across the threshold in to her room. He walked slowly, without his usual determination. Kate watched him cautiously.

"Jack?"

He didn't answer, but headed towards her bed and sat down heavily, still not looking up at Kate, who closed the door and followed him over. Jack's body slumped forwards over his knees and his hands came up to cradle his head. Sluggishly, repeatedly, he moved his fingers through his short hair.

"Jack, what's the matter, what's wrong?" Kate probed again, concerned, moving toward the bed now and sitting down next to him, right next to him, her leg against his. From this close, she could smell the alcohol; his breath was tinged with the heat of half a dozen glasses of scotch. "Has - has something happened?"

Kate desperately wanted him to talk to her, but she had a fairly good idea of what had happened and what he had done since.

 _(Earlier in the evening)_

 _The briefing had begun about an hour ago, at around quarter past 8, a dozen people sat around a table and even more people stood around them. Sun sat opposite Jack. Her composure had remained serene since they got to the hotel – Jack had no idea what was going on in her head. He was a bit worried that she might say something – something unusual. But she sat up straight at the table, her face placid, watching Jack closely. Hurley watched him too, wanting reassurance. Jack cleared his throat, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down._

" _It's hard to remember – to remember everything that happened, in the exact order it happened. There was so much – yknow? It was all so… so real."_

 _Or at least, he tried to make it sound real._

 _Hurley raised his voice for the first time – backing Jack up. "It was messed up." His voice was small in the crowd. A couple of people's heads flicked towards him, but quickly back to Jack. A few hands scribbled something in notebooks – perhaps interested in a voice that wasn't Jack's. He knew that him doing all the talking could end up coming back to bite them all._

" _Yeah." Jack didn't really know what else to add._

" _But I mean – how could you not remember?" One man – not an official from Oceanic due to the lack of emblem on his jacket – piped up. The man was sat along the table from Jack and leaned forward in his seat, so as to better look Jack straight in the face. "How could you not remember how long you were on the island for before you found boar for the first time? Or how long it was between waking up in the water and getting to the shore? Seems like some pretty important stuff to me."_

 _Kate was sat next to Jack, and she watched as his brow furrowed, and his arms came up from under the table to rest on the surface. He had his sleeves rolled up, and she saw his forearms tense as he met the man's gaze._

" _Yeah. It was also crazy, and scary, and it all happened real fast. I wasn't counting the hours, man."_

 _Jack's lips attempted a smile but his eyes stayed stony and irritated._

" _So you don't remember if you saw anyone else, any of the other passengers? You don't remember who you were sat next to on the plane?"_

" _I-"_

" _Don't you think you owe it to those people's families to remember?"_

 _Jack was leaning forward now, bent over the table as he retorted. "Do you remember everyone on your flight after every plane journey you take?" Kate could sense his irritation._

" _So you don't even recognise their faces, their names? Shannon Rutherford, Rose Nadler, Claire Littleton – they were all real people –"_

" _I_ know _they were real people." Jack's voice loudly cut off the suited man. The room pulsated with an awkward silence, as some averted their eyes and clicked their pens. Many kept their eyes on Jack._

 _He took a breath, glanced at Sayid, who was watching closely, before carrying on. "I know they were real people, man. They were on my plane, and they all died. I could've died too." He looked back up at the man, his voice steady and still loud. "But I don't remember. Sorry if that's not exciting enough."_

 _The Oceanic official sat directly opposite Jack cleared her throat and all eyes returned to her. "Let's move on." She offered._

" _Gladly," Jack replied, sitting back in his chair, but still slightly irate._

" _Katherine – uh, Miss Austen," another voice from another place in the room spoke up. Heads swiveled to find the source. "Do you need any help, getting in touch with the father?"_

 _She felt Jack sit up straight again next to her._

" _Uh, no, no thank you." She tried to sound polite._

" _Are you sure? Because we could - "_

 _Predictably, Jack interrupted thunderously. "Is that really what you're asking about? How is that any of your - "_

" _Yes, perhaps now is not the best time for questions like that." The calm voice that overrode Jack took Kate by surprise. Sayid held the questioner's eyes and the man didn't say another word._

 _Jack sat back again in his chair and bit his tongue._

" _Yes, perhaps you're right," the Oceanic lady nodded. "I think that will suffice for this evening. We'll be in touch tomorrow to continue this, before we speak to the press._

" _Can't wait," Jack spat under his breath as he pushed his chair backwards and rose to leave._

"Jack, hey."

He pressed his eyes in to the palms of his hands, rubbing at his face. One hand came up to rake through his short hair again, then dropped back down across his knees. His movements were slow, lackadaisical; Kate tried again to get his attention.

" _Jack."_ She reached out and carefully took his hand, holding it in hers and squeezing it lightly, desperate for him to look at her. Her other hand went to his back, moving up and down, trying in vain to reassure him. "Look at me, Jack."

Finally, he looked up, looked at her. Her heart broke as she met his eye and saw the tears that were threatening to spill out. "Kate," he said, finally, the word slow on his tongue, his voice wavering as he spoke. He looked back down at their hands; at her hand, enveloping his, and then back up at her.

"Kate, I can't." He swallowed, and blinked slowly.

Kate felt herself want to break, want to cry. She didn't say anything, but rubbed her thumb lightly over the back of his hand.

"I can't." Alcohol from his breath lightly hit her face. "This is crazy. Kate. It's driving me nuts."

Kate let out the breath she had been holding, and she moved her free hand up to the back of his head, nestling her fingers in his hair. "It is crazy," she said in agreement, and she heard her voice crack as the words came out. He noticed it too.

"I can't do it." He looked back down to the ground. "I can't. It's too much to lie about. I didn't think it'd be – it'd be this hard."

Kate didn't say anything – she didn't know what to say.

He raised his head again and stared at her. "I can't," he almost shrugged in defeat.

Kate didn't know what else to do, so she pulled him to her, his head finding solace in the crook of her neck, and she wrapped her arms around him, one hand still in his hair. "Hey," she said, her voice soft and trying her best to be steady, "hey." She held him tightly, and closed her eyes as she felt him hold her even tighter. "It's ok," she whispered in his ear. "It's alright. It's gonna be alright." Her hand stroked the back of his neck.

Jack pulled himself away from the embrace, far enough back to look her in the eye again. She tried to smile at him. "It's alright," Kate nodded a little, wanting more than anything else to make him feel ok.

Jack's eyes left hers and drifted down, and Kate noticed as his tongue lazily, almost absentmindedly, wet his own lips. His eyes met hers again, the tears making them sparkle in the low light, and her heart broke for him all over again. Before she even realised that he had moved, Jack's lips were pressed lightly against hers, kissing her gently. Now she could taste the alcohol, but somehow she didn't really notice; her mind went blank, she thought of nothing except this moment, the feel of him, and her stomach dropped.

Kate kissed him, too, once she realised what was happening. She returned the gentleness, being reminded at once of his softness, reminded of that day, that clearing, reminded of when she ran away. She missed him.

After a moment, Jack kissed her with a bit more sureness, and his hand found its way to the small of her back. He had forgotten, immediately, his worries, his anger; he had forgotten why he came to her room, he had forgotten that he was drunk, forgotten that he was crying; all that he knew was Kate. He felt her hand softly land on his cheek and he moved further towards her, kissing her –

Suddenly, he pulled away. He sat back, looking at her unsurely and then looking at the floor, the door, his hands, not sure what to settle on. He exhaled slowly, trying to keep his breath steady.

Kate watched him. "Jack..? Are you ok?"

Jack let out the smallest of wry laughs, rubbing his hand through his hair again. "I didn't mean to - " He stopped, not sure of himself or what he wanted to say. He looked up at her. "I'm sorry – I shouldn't have come to see you so late."

He stood up, steadier on his feet than he had been when he came in to the room, as though the encounter had somehow sobered him. "I better get some sleep."

Kate sat almost bereft on the bed, not sure what was going through his mind (let alone hers). She kept her eyes on him as he headed to the door, reaching out and opening it. "Goodnight, Kate," he looked back at her, lingered for a moment, and left.

As he headed down the corridor to his room, his mind raced with a hundred different things – but, somehow, seemed clearer than before.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello! Gosh, I'm ever so sorry that it's taken me an absolute age to update this. I swear I've been so busy for so long. But I've been rewatching Lost lately, from the very beginning - and I've been reminded (as if I needed to be!) of how much I love it, and how much I love these two. So - here it is. It's only short but I figured I'd post it. Pretty astounded by the amount of reviews - thanks SO much! Promise I'll try to not leave it quite so long before the next update...

Chapter Four

Kate made her way downstairs for breakfast at around 8.30. She wasn't sure what to expect from Jack, or if he'd even be there. It had taken her a while to get to sleep after he left her room last night – she had considered going to check on him, but figured he needed some headspace. And to sober up.

Jack, it turned out, was now perfectly sober and ready for breakfast. He appeared in the dining room shortly after Kate, strolling in alongside Hurley, who seemed to be telling Jack that he was going to move back in with his parents later that day. Kate watched as they headed for the buffet table (another offering from Oceanic), and observed how laidback Jack seemed. A different person to last night. She got up from her seat and made her way towards them.

"Hey," she said, in her most casual tone of voice, as she reached him.

Jack turned around, surprised by her sudden presence, and quickly tried to swallow the large piece of pineapple he had in his mouth. It made him look goofy and embarrassed, and Kate couldn't help but smile widely up at him. "Hey," he said back, finally swallowing and flashing her an embarrassed grin. "How are you?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah, I'm good." Jack listened as he picked at the buffet and filled his plate. "Going to meet my new lawyer today." She grabbed a plate and mimicked Jack's movements.

He glanced up at her. "You want me to come with you?"

Kate narrowed her eyes slightly, well aware of his avoidance of last night's events. "No, thanks. I'll be alright."

Jack reached the end of the table and found the coffee machine. "You want one?" He asked her.

"Uh, sure. Black, two sugars."

Jack nodded and set about making their coffees. He passed her a mug and his fingers pressed against hers as she awkwardly took the hot coffee from him, and his brown eyes darted up to meet her green ones. But his hand was gone before she knew it, and he took his coffee back to his table, where Hurley was already sitting eating. "You wanna join us?" Jack asked Kate with a small smile.

"You're moving in with your mom and dad today?" Kate asked Hurley as they tucked in to their breakfast. She sat opposite him and Jack.

"Yeah, figured I might as well try and get back to normal life as soon as possible. Plus my mom is desperate to have me back now that I'm, yknow, not dead. Not that I ever was…"

Kate smiled in to her coffee. "She must be so happy to have you back."

"Yeah, she is. It's sweet, but yknow, annoying." He laughed, not being entirely serious.

Jack chuckled as well. "Tell me about it. My mom wants me over later today too. Think I'll wait til I find somewhere of my own til I move out of here, though."

Kate felt like she should address her own plans for leaving the hotel, but had no idea what to say. Thankfully, Hurley's new Oceanic-sponsored phone rang. "Sorry dudes, it's my mom, obviously…" He got up from the table and left to take the call.

Jack watched him for a moment and then smiled down at his plate, lifting some more food to his mouth. "He seems happy. I was worried about him."

Kate watched Jack for a moment. "Jack-"

"Kate." Jack cut her off, and looked up at her. "I, uh, I'm sorry. About last night. I shouldn't have…" He paused, and angled his head slightly, holding her eye. Licked his lips and then pursed them together. "I'm sorry." He broke eye contact and glanced down at his plate.

"It's ok. You don't need to apologise." She waited until he looked back up at her. "You… don't need to apologise," she said again.

Jack nodded a couple of times, trying to read her. "Well, thanks." He took a sip of coffee. "Are we good?"

Kate smiled, realising this was as close as Jack was going to come to addressing what had happened. "Yeah, Jack. We're good."

"Good." He smiled at her. "I don't know what I'd do if we weren't good."

Kate's heart swelled at his statement of emotion, but she kept it under wraps.


	5. Chapter 5

Hello! Sorry - massive wait for this again. I've tried to pick up where I left off, but sometimes it's hard when there's such a big gap between writing and posting chapters! I have however still been rewatching Lost and feel pretty good about picking up the mindset of the characters. Watched 316 last night (such a good episode) and realised I got Kate's coffee order wrong in the last chapter! Milk two sugars, not black two sugars... damn. Well, hope you enjoy this, if there's anyone out there still reading! Thank you ever so much again for reviewing :))))

Chapter 5

Jack stood in the hotel lobby, flicking through the phone he had purchased the previous day, with a small suitcase at his feet. Gathering up all his possessions and packing them hadn't taken him long - he hadn't been able to carry anything with him from the island, given their tumultuous journey through air and water. He tried, as ever, to force these thoughts from his mind and loaded up the football scores on his phone as a distraction.

Really what he was doing was waiting for her. Well, waiting for two women, really. Jack's mother had insisted on coming to pick him up and driving him to his new apartment. He hadn't wasted much time in finding somewhere to live, having not been overly keen to move back in with his mother, and finding himself rather in need of his own space. At the hotel, there always seemed to be someone watching him - with a keen interest or a passing one, he always felt eyes on him; at dinner, in the gym, and especially when he went outside.

There was one good thing about being at the hotel, and that came in the form of the other woman he was standing waiting for now. Kate had been sleeping two rooms down from him. Every night as he lay in bed he was aware of this; their proximity. He held the hazy image of their encounter a few nights ago in his mind; him, drunk and frustrated, her, taken aback and comforting. He had kissed her. He couldn't help himself. He knew he probably shouldn't have kissed her. Still, he didn't regret it. But they hadn't addressed it. Just like they never addressed it when she kissed him and ran away. Now, the tables had turned. The barriers that seemed to exist between them on the island seemed to have started to falter, in his mind. Of course, on the island he had enough other things to deal with that he could put thoughts of Kate out of his mind. He was well also well aware that she had already had someone warming her bed...

Frowning to himself, Jack refocussed on the sports scores. He tutted as he read through, and started to load up the table, when the ding of the elevator made him look up.

It wasn't her. It was two men in suits who, to Jack's quiet satisfaction, ignored him entirely and left the hotel deep in conversation.

He was hoping she would be here before his mother arrived. Last night before they parted ways to go to bed, he had told her when he was leaving. ( _"I uh, I'm leaving tomorrow. My mom is coming to pick me up, drive me to my new place." This drew a smile from Kate - "of course she is." A beat. "Looking forward to getting out of here?" He held her eye, tilted his head slightly. "Yes and no."_ )

The lift dinged again. Kate stepped out, pushing her hair behind her ears as her eyes searched for Jack. When they landed on him, she gave a small smile and headed towards him.

Stuffing his phone back in his pocket, Jack pushed his suitcase behind him slightly. "Hey."

"Hey." Kate stopped in front of him. She was played with her hands. "You alright?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Glad I caught you."

"Couldn't let you leave without saying goodbye." She fumbled with her index finger. "Strange, isn't it - not knowing when we'll see each other next." She looked down at her hands, then back up in to Jack's deep brown eyes that were fixed on her. "Guess I always knew it wouldn't be that long, on the isl-" She stopped herself, glancing towards the reception desk. It was unmanned.

"You're right." He didn't know what else to say. Then suddenly - "Did you get a cellphone yet?" Kate nodded. "I got one yesterday... But - do you want - can I get your number?"

Kate couldn't control the grin that pulled at her lips. She couldn't remember the last time she had given her number out. This was different, of course - this was Jack. But it made her smile. It was silly. Jack knew it was silly too, and he smiled back, glancing at the floor in a sudden burst of embarrassment.

"Sure."

Jack fumbled in his pocket and flipped open his cellphone. He stared at it for a moment, then handed it over to Kate. She pressed her lips together, a smile still lingering, and pressed her number in to the keypad. Then she handed it back to Jack.

"Thanks." He flipped it closed, and held it in his hand. "I'll uh, I'll call you."

"Yeah." She went back to fumbling with her hands. "It'll be weird with you and Hurley both gone."

"You gonna be ok?" Jack frowned. "With uh, with the feds and... your lawyer... I mean..." He stopped, regretting having brought up her situation so abruptly. They hadn't really discussed it, other than what needed to be said, and Jack looking after Aaron on a couple of occasions when Kate had to see her lawyer. But he had seen newspapers. He shouldn't have looked, he knew. But when the tabloids held her face in big on the front cover, he couldn't not look. He'd read about what she had done. And he hated the newspaper for printing it. He hated that this was the image thousands of people would have of her. Of Kate.

Kate glanced at the floor, blinking. "I-"

"And you know, looking after Aaron on your own. It's a lot to handle without anyone around..." Jack tried to salvage the direction of the conversation.

Kate shook her head. "I'll be fine." A smile that Jack knew wasn't genuine played on her lips.

"I could stay a little longer..."

Jack's offer was cut off by the beeping of a car horn, and they looked up for the source of the noise. Through the large glass building front, Kate and Jack saw Margo sat in her car, looking in.

Kate looked back at Jack. "No, you couldn't." She dropped her hands down by her sides. "Don't worry, Jack. I'll be fine." She threw him a reassuring smile.

Jack reached for the handle of his case. "I'll call you." He wanted to take her in his arms, hug her, kiss her on the cheek, or kiss her like he had the other night - or even just take her hand. But it felt like time had sped up. He could feel the woman at the newly-manned reception desk watching them. He could feel his mother's eyes on him through the window. He could feel his cellphone buzz in his pocket. He could feel the memories trying to force their way back in to his head. He could feel the warmth from Kate, standing right in front of him, and he did nothing. He looked at her, tried to embed the image in his head, and didn't drop his gaze. He tried to communicate what he was feeling - whatever that was, for he couldn't have described his feelings if you'd asked him - through his eyes. They were burning with intensity, and he hoped that came across, hoped that she felt what was passing between them as much as he did.

To anyone else looking at them, this was just two people standing looking at each other. Six seconds passed by. Jack started to pull his case towards the door.

"Bye," Kate brought her left hand up almost as though to give a little wave, and put her right hand in her pocket. She stood and watched him go.

Jack opened the boot of the car and put his case in, then stepped round to the passenger side and got in.

His mother was still looking beyond him, eyes narrowed slightly, towards where she had been watching Jack and Kate.

"Hey mom." He closed the car door firmly.

"Hey," she said absentmindedly. She started up the car, and they slowly set off.

Margo didn't say anything for at least five minutes. She was driving almost automatically, her mind clearly on something else.

Jack watched her for a moment, not really in the mood to deal with whatever was playing on her mind on top of what was playing on his. "What's up?"

She glanced at Jack, and then back at the road. "You like her, don't you?"

Jack was taken aback. His brow furrowed slightly, and he glanced down at his own hands on his lap. He was playing with his hands now, just like Kate had been. He tried to think of adequate words to answer his mother diplomatically. He drew a blank. Licking his lips, he angled his head and looked out the window. "I love her."


	6. Chapter 6

Hello friends, apologies once again for the long delay. This is quite a long chapter, so hopefully that starts to make up for the wait. My logic with this one is that even off-island, with no Sawyer in the way (though the thought of him remains) and no Jack-having-to-be-a-leader, things will still have been far from plain sailing, and I think Kate's legal issues would have been one of the main reasons why. Also, Jack can be kind of intense. Kind of inspired by David's words to Jack in the flash-sideways - "it was always such a big deal to you... you were so... _in to it."_ I know his relationship with Kate in the flash-forwards is completely different, but I still think he's an intense guy. But always driven by good motives, especially when it comes to Kate. God, I love them. Thanks for the reviews xxx

Chapter 6

She was lying on her hotel bed, Aaron asleep in the crib next to her, staring blankly at the television. She saw the moving images, but she wasn't really watching. She was remembering. Hazy faces hovered in her mind; snippets of Claire's Australian accent floated in and out of her consciousness; the image of Locke stood over Naomi's body; a southern whisper - " _I have a daughter in Alabama..._ "

Just then the weirdest thing drew her out of her reverie - suddenly, Bernard's face was on the TV. She almost did a double take, wondering if she was imagining this as well. She grabbed the remote and turned up the volume a few notches. "... _and Bernard Nadler, who were newlyweds. The happy couple were on their way back from their honeymoon when Flight 815 crash landed on September 22nd 2004. Mr Nadler worked as a dentist in..."_

Kate's phone, which was sat on the dressing table, buzzed aggressively, making her jump. She glanced at Aaron to make sure he was still sleeping, and swung her legs off the bed. It was Jack. She pushed her hair back off her face, looking back at the TV, which had moved on to a presenter in front of the Oceanic Airlines emblem. Shaken by the image of Bernard and with Sawyer's whisper still lingering in her ear, stress permeated Kate's voice when she answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Kate, hey." The sound of Jack's voice put her at ease almost instantly. Immediately, and intensely, she wished he was there with her. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine, why?" She still sounded fraught.

"You just sound... weird is all, I don't know."

She heard him exhale heavily, like he was moving or lifting something heavy. "What are you doing?" She asked out of sudden curiosity.

A heavy breath from Jack again. "I'm just" - a grunt - "moving my couch against the wall." He exhaled again, and sighed. "Done. Sorry."

"I didn't expect to hear from you so soon," Kate said, honestly. She had only said goodbye to him earlier that day at the hotel.

On the other end of the phone, Jack frowned, throwing a cushion on to the sofa. Perhaps he shouldn't have called her. "Yeah, well..." He trailed off, not knowing what to say. Thankfully, Kate didn't notice.

"How's the apartment?" Kate asked, her eyes drifting back to the programme on TV, which was now featuring photos of Shannon and Boone side by side. She had gone from wanting Jack to be right by her side to wanting to get off the phone, to just be alone with her thoughts.

"It's fine. Quite nice actually, pretty big. Just brought the couch home so I've got something to sit on," Jack was saying. "You'll have to come see it sometime. The apartment, I mean."

"Uh yeah, sure," Kate replied absentmindedly, eyes still on the TV.

"Kate" - a pause, and she knew that he knew something was up - "are you alright?"

She sighed, exasperated. "Yeah, Jack, I'm fine."

He didn't say anything, just waited.

"I've just, I've got my arraignment tomorrow. It's just playing on my mind."

"Shit, yeah, of course." He swallowed. "You uh, are you worried?"

"A little," Kate admitted. It was true - she was worried about her arraignment the following day. But she didn't tell Jack why she was really feeling spooked.

"When is it?"

"Three thirty."

There was a silence. Kate didn't know what to say - and neither did Jack. Usually, silences between them were comfortable - but this one was awkward. Kate realised this was the first time she'd ever spoken to Jack over the phone, not being face to face - perhaps that was the reason.

"Well, in that case I'll let you get a good night's sleep," Jack said, clearly reading the silence the same way she did.

Suddenly, Kate felt bad. "Thanks Jack," she said. "I'm sorry I'm not, I'm just - thinking about tomorrow, that's all."

"Yeah, sure," smooth reassurance laced Jack's voice. "Good luck tomorrow. Sleep well, Kate."

"You too."

She hung up the phone, regretting her lack of patience with him. The truth was that the feelings he stirred up in her were strong ones, and he'd taken her by surprise. She hadn't been ready to talk to him with photos of their friends flashing up on the television screen and Sawyer's last words to her in her ear. Sometimes she was on top of it all - but sometimes it all just felt like too much.

Jack got off his shift at 2pm the following day, and chewed over his decision incessantly on the drive home. He felt uneasy when he parked his car and hurried up to his apartment, he doubted himself when he was in the shower, he was unsure when he got back in his car and headed down the road, and he was still dubious when he pulled in to the car park in front of the hotel shortly before 3pm.

Clearing his throat and adjusting the collar on his shirt, he rapped twice on the door of her room.

Kate opened it quickly, and was taken aback. "Jack?"

"Hey," he said warmly, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"What are you doing here?" Kate asked, regaining her composure and heading back in to the room to grab her bag and check her earrings in the mirror. "I'm just about to leave for my hearing."

Jack stepped in to the room. "Yeah, I know, I thought - I thought I might take you," he said.

This stopped Kate from her rushing around. She looked up at Jack, the surprise on her face refreshed. "Oh. I uh, I already called a cab."

"Oh," Jack echoed back, nodding. "Okay, that's alright."

Kate looked at him, took in his appearance, his smart shirt, his clean shaven features, his face hiding his emotions at her having rejected his offer. "You know what, I can cancel the cab," she smiled at him. "But we gotta go now."

"Ready when you are." Jack stepped out of the room, and she followed him, stuffing her roomkey in her bag and rushing to the elevator. She pressed the button and they stood in silence for a moment, waiting. The elevator arrived, and they stepped in. There were mirrors on the inside. Jack looked at himself in the reflection as they descended, and then at her. She was wearing a pencil skirt and heels, and a dark red satin shirt, with her hair down over her shoulders. He found her eyes in the reflection, and saw that she was already watching him. He felt a blush creep up his neck - he'd been busted, and he'd been obvious about it - when the lift dinged and the doors opened on the second floor. A family of five stepped in to the elevator, making for a tight squeeze.

"Sorry," Kate muttered automatically, stepping back and unwittingly stepping in to Jack. The elevator doors closed and she was wedged in to place, the back of her body against the front of Jack's. Her left hand hung tensely at her side, her right clutched her bag. Jack had reached forward automatically when the other people entered the lift, and so his left hand brushed her arm, just below the elbow. He left it there, her skin soft against his, and this time his eyes found hers in the reflection.

The lift dinged again on the ground floor and everyone clambered out. They passed the reception desk, Kate quickly informing them that she didn't need her cab, and then she followed Jack to the parking lot. She was surprised when he led her to an old, battered Ford Bronco. He opened the passenger door and then strode round to the driver's side.

"I wasn't expecting you to drive a car like this," Kate said to him.

"What were you expecting?" Jack asked, looking over his shoulder as he reversed out of the parking space.

"I don't know, something flashy, like doctors normally have... I guess."

A smile played on Jack's lips. "This was actually my car before we crashed. My mom kept it for sentimental reasons. I like it."

Kate smiled. "I like it too."

"So, where we headed?"

She gave him the address, and he seemed to know where it was immediately. They set off.

He was a good driver. They were silent again, at first - but it was comfortable, this time.

Eventually, Jack spoke up. "Where's Aaron today?"

"Hurley, Hurley's looking after him."

"Right." Jack glanced at her. "And how're you feeling?"

"I don't know." Kate's mouth smiled, but her eyes didn't. "I'm ok."

"Yeah?" Jack left the question hanging in the air.

"Yeah," she said defiantly.

"You're braver than I," Jack intoned.

"Yeah how's that," Kate looked out of her window, not enjoying Jack's attempt to break down her walls right before her hearing.

Jack noticed her annoyance. "Just, you know. Putting on a brave face, staying so strong. Can't say I'm not impressed."

"Well, I'm used to it," Kate said, the same fake smile falling across her face.

Jack didn't reply. He kept his eyes on the road and waited for her to speak again, but she didn't. FIfteen minutes later, they pulled in to the parking lot across from the big brick building. He put the car in neutral and applied the handbreak. Then he shut the engine off, and sat back in his seat.

"You want me to come in with you?" He asked, not looking at her.

"Uh, no," she replied, "no, I'm meeting Duncan in there. You don't need to be there."

That was her lawyer, he presumed. "I know I don't need to be. But I still can be."

She shook her head, a strained smile on her face again.

"You want me to wait here for you then, take you back to the hotel-"

"I don't know when I'll be finished, ok, how long I'll have to stay for, if they'll keep me-" she stopped, and exhaled. She was terrified, actually, that they were going to put her straight in jail and set bail at a horrific amount after the arraignment. This had not occured to Jack, and for that she couldn't blame him - but she didn't have the patience just now to deal with him, not with this hanging over her. His intentions, she knew, were purely good. He always, only wanted to help. But he couldn't, not right now.

"Thanks for the ride, Jack." She looked him in the eye, and he held her gaze.

"Don't mention it."

She opened her door and got out of the car, looking back through the window at Jack. "I'll call you."

"Good luck," Jack said, but he couldn't help but feel she was out of earshot by the time the words left his mouth.


	7. Chapter 7

What is this? Another chapter being posted so soon after the last?! ;) Hope you like this one - sorry it's so short. Thank you SO much for the reviews. Can't believe there are folk out there still reading this, and I just love that you guys still care about the show and about these two as much as I do!

Chapter 7

Jack got home about an hour after he'd dropped Kate off. He shut the door behind him harder than he needed to, and threw his car keys on to the side table. His apartment was dark in the evening winter light. Without thinking, Jack headed through to his kitchen - lightly stocked, as he had only moved in the day before - and opened the one cupboard door that did have something behind it. He scanned the surfaces impatiently for a glass but couldn't locate one at first glance, so took a large swallow of scotch straight from the bottle.

The McCutheon(?) clattered against the surface as he set it back down. His apartment was quiet, no noises from outside or from the neighbours. He exhaled heavily, running his hands over his face, rubbing his palms against his eyes in frustration. "Shit." He took another swig of scotch, and then roughly loosened his collar, undoing the top button and untucking his shirt from his trousers.

His anger was irrational, he knew that. He wasn't angry at her; he was angry at himself. He should've given her space, let her handle this on her own - like she always had.

Jack pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. No messages or missed calls. He chucked it on the kitchen surface. It made an ugly noise against the silence of the apartment and the low glow of the evening light. He picked up the scotch and headed through to his living room, stepping over the empty box that his TV had arrived in.

The couch sank beneath him as he collapsed on to it, sighing and stretching his back as he did so. He switched the TV on so as to escape the silence, and the bright lights that emitted from it flashed against the walls as the pictures changed. The tinny laugh of the audience on the screen rang dead in his ears, and he didn't really watch the screen; rather, his head filled with faces - Jin's face, Michael's face, Charlie's face. He could hear Boone's words in his head - " _I'm letting you off the hook..."_

Jack woke up at around noon the next day, still on the sofa with his clothes and shoes on, immediately recognising the signs of an oncoming hangover. He groaned as he sat up straight, light now streaming in, and noticed the two-thirds empty bottle of scotch on the floor. Wincing against the light and the voices coming from the TV, he got up to pull down the blinds and turn down the volume. Then he padded through to the kitchen, putting the scotch back in its cupboard, and located his phone. He had a message from Hurley, and also from his mother. She was reminding him that they'd agreed to meet with Jack's aunt for lunch.

 _Son of a bitch._

The next day, Jack was out at the local store, collecting groceries to stock his cupboards (his mother had insisted). As he queued to pay, he noticed the couple in the queue next to his whispering; felt their eyes on him. He looked over at them, and they stopped whispering, fake smiles plastering their faces. Jack gave a small polite smile in return and turned away. The lady at the cashdesk started to scan his items, and Jack didn't even notice that she was talking to him until he realised she'd stopped scanning his food.

"I'm sorry?"

"I said, I bet you get that all the time," she repeated, nodding towards the next queue of people.

Jack puffed out his cheeks, stuffing his groceries in a bag. "It's not so bad."

"Could be worse," the woman said chirpily; so chirpily that it caused Jack to look her in the face. She was giving him a coy smile, then averted her eyes to the screen in front of her, pressing some buttons. "That'll be $42.80."

He opened his wallet and pulled out some cash. The woman bit her lip as she took it from him, and he raised an eyebrow in amusement. She handed him back his change, and he smiled politely, picking up his bag of groceries.

"Thanks."

"See you around."

Jack held back a chuckle as he walked away, bag tucked under one arm, and pulled out his phone.

 _Hey,_ a message read. _You wanna get coffee? I'll make up for Tuesday. Kate_

And for the first time that day, a real smile broke out over his face.


	8. Chapter 8

Hi friends - I'm getting pretty good at these regular updates, wouldn't you say?! Thank you so so much for the reviews - every time I see a new one, it makes me so happy. I'm so glad you're enjoying this. God, writing it just makes me wish so much that we'd seen more of this time in their lives! Anyhow. Hope you all like this chapter. It's a long one...

Chapter 8

Jack had suggested the coffee shop they were to meet at, but it was Kate who arrived first. He spotted her sitting in the window as he drove past the front of the shop, looking for a place to park, squinting against the bright sun. His sunglasses were propped on top of his head and the car window was wound down to let some fresh air in. It really was very warm. He found a spot at the end of the street and pulled in.

For a moment, Jack just sat there. The silence swelled in his ears after he cut the engine. He looked at his hands on the steering wheel; he looked down at the new jeans he was wearing; he looked in to the mirror at his own reflection. For a moment, his mind was completely blank, not thinking anything as he held his own gaze. Which was nice. His mind was pretty constantly awash with thoughts, and with memories. Then he adjusted his sunglasses and ran his hand through his closely cropped hair, checked his pocket for his wallet, and got out of the car.

The bell on the door to the coffee shop jingled as Jack entered. It made Kate look up and she found him straight away; he was wearing jeans and a dark blue v-neck tshirt, and a pair of Raybans. He gave her a little wave and a smile and headed over to the booth where she was sitting. She smiled up at him - a slightly guarded smile, which was perhaps unfair, after their last encounter, as he slid in the the booth. He took off his sunglasses and hung them from the front of his tshirt. The weight of them made the V fall even further, displaying a smatter of chest hair. Kate quickly looked up and found his eyes.

"Hey," he said, his voice laced with warmth and goodwill. Her heart softened and all at once she felt at ease. A much more genuine smile spread on to her face. She didn't know why she'd been so nervous to see him... It had never really been like this on the island - she'd never had to look far for him; they'd never had to arrange a time to see each other.

"Hey." She took him in - he looked smart, well put together, even just in jeans and a tshirt and sunglasses. He had shaved, and she got a whiff of whatever aftershave he was wearing, and it smelt good. "How are you?" She asked, realising she ought to say something else.

"I'm good," Jack nodded slightly. "You?"

"Yeah, good." She glanced at the counter. "Shall we..?"

"Sure." Jack slid back out of the booth, and Kate followed him to the queue, which only consisted of a couple of people. The cafe wasn't busy; there was a smattering of noise and chit-chat, and the occasional woosh of milk being steamed coming from the coffee machine. Neither of them said anything at first, Jack inspecting the pastries and Kate glancing around, taking in the interior of the shop.

"You want anything to eat?"

"I'm good thanks. I had breakfast already."

The staff member shouted for the next order. "Uh, black coffee," Jack turned to Kate, "and..."

"Long black with milk," she filled in. Jack nodded and the barista turned her back to them to make their coffees. Kate glanced up at Jack. "Looks like you finally found that coffee bar."

He grinned at the reference. "Where's Aaron today?" He asked, a mixture of politeness and curiosity.

"Oh I - I found a nanny for him. I figured there's going to be plenty of times when I'll need someone to look after him - and I can't keep asking Hurley."

The corners of Jack's mouth pulled up in a small smile. "I bet he doesn't mind."

Kate agreed. "Yeah. But he's growing up fast. How long is it since you saw him - about a week? You should come by and see him sometime, he's growing so quickly."

"Sure. I'd like that."

The barista handed them their coffees, and Jack brought out his wallet.

"Jack, I can get this-"

He smiled again, "I know", and handed over the money.

They made their way back to their booth by the window. Kate added two sugars to her coffee and she stirred it absentmindedly for a moment, staring down at the table top before meeting Jack's eyes, which met her with a smile in them.

"Have you been here before?" she asked, taking a sip of coffee.

"Uh, yeah," Jack slid his hands around the mug in front of him, "I came here with Sarah a few times."

The look on Kate's face told him he'd need to elaborate. "That's um, Sarah's my ex-wife." He looked down at his coffee, and furrowed his brow, immediately wishing he hadn't said that. "We came here a few times. She was never keen... _I_ always liked it." He looked back up, wishing he would stop talking, not sure why he was rambling about his ex-wife's taste in coffee shops to Kate.

She was wondering why he was rambling about this too. He'd never mentioned Sarah to her before - but she knew he'd been married.

"How long were you..." Kate trailed off at the end of the question, assuming it was obvious what she meant.

Jack nodded and frowned slightly again. "Not long. A little less than a year."

Kate watched him closely, realising that this was a touchy subject. "Juliet told me." She didn't know what else to say.

Jack didn't know what to say either. His idea of going for coffee with Kate hadn't involved bringing up either Sarah or Juliet. There were a million things he could have said to explain his marriage, but even if he had wanted to share them - he wouldn't have known where to start. So, he gave a little shrug and swept it under the carpet. "Didn't work out." He took a sip of coffee.

Kate desperately wanted to ask why, but decided it was probably not her place to ask... not yet, anyway. She felt like she knew Jack - really knew him - but this part of him had always been closed off to her. Understandably, she supposed - given their understated, rarely expressed but intensely demonstrated feelings for each other. Kate bit her tongue and gave an encouraging smile. "Well, her loss." She raised an eyebrow. "You'd never have taken me here otherwise - and that's my gain. This coffee is pretty fantastic." She grinned at Jack, whose face broke out in a wide smile, one of those ones where his eyes crinkled, and his whole body seemed to relax.

He was grateful for her steering so smoothly away from the topic of Sarah. "It is pretty great." He took another sip. "Are you guys still at the hotel?" he asked, putting the subject of his marriage to bed for the time being.

"Actually, we moved to a different place. It's nicer, nearer the city. And - I actually have a house viewing tomorrow."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Looks like a nice place, close to a good school for Aaron... when he's old enough."

"Where's the house?"

"Not too far from where we're staying now, actually. Panorama Crest. Do you know it?"

Jack furrowed his brow as he tried to locate the street in his head, but his knowledge of Los Angeles had faded during his time away. He shook his head slightly, still trying to picture the map, his eyes wandering aimlessly across the table as his brain whirred.

"Well, if tomorrow goes well then you can come and... visit Aaron sometime." She was aware she'd already made this offer, but it tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop it. She was being obvious. Since Jack had taken her to her hearing, she'd regretted her behaviour with him that day. She had also missed him, a lot. More than she'd expected. Something had changed, she had started to realise; some of the barriers that had been up between them before had started to falter in her mind. She wanted to make amends for the way she'd acted the other day. _Insisting he visit your not-yet-house probably isn't the best way to do that,_ she told herself.

"Absolutely." Jack held her eye. He had definitely noticed the offer of visiting her being made for the second time - and he wasn't entirely fooled by the Aaron cover. He gave her a small smile, not dropping her gaze.

She felt like his eyes could see right through her and suddenly she felt a blush creep up her neck and spread to her cheeks. His eyes were deep and dark, and she wondered what was going on inside his head. She held his gaze right back for a good long moment, her stomach lurching, and then pursed her lips together.

"Have you been out enjoying the sun?" She asked suddenly, breaking the moment.

Jack sat up straighter, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly, as though he had recognised her clunky attempt to change the subject. (Which he did, of course.)

"Yeah," he nodded, playing along. "Pretty great weather."

"Been able to put your sunglasses to good use?" She motioned towards the Raybans hanging from the front of his shirt.

"Oh, yeah. I actually only bought them a couple of days ago. Gotten plenty of use out of 'em already."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I fell asleep in my mom's back garden yesterday." Jack grinned with faint embarrassment. "Thankfully I... don't burn easily."

Kate let out a little laugh. "Lucky you," she said, stirring her coffee again. "I don't burn either... I just break out in freckles."

Of course, they both heard the word. It hung awkwardly in the air. Kate's eyes went down to her coffee, a curl of hair falling down over her face; Jack glanced out the window, then went to watch Kate. He didn't say anything for a moment, just waited. She wouldn't meet his eye.

They hadn't mentioned the southerner since they had got back to the US. Jack had thought about him plenty. He thought about his irritating nicknames and his southern drawl, and the time he beat him at poker. He thought about the camera on the cages, and about the helicopter; about the kiss and the whisper, and how much Jack hated that he didn't know what he'd said to Kate. He thought about the jump; Sawyer landing in the water and swimming back to the island to give them all a shot at getting home. Jack was pretty certain he'd have gotten back to the island in one piece. Some small corner inside of Jack whispered to him sometimes, late at night: _it should have been you that jumped..._

Jack tried to tread lightly. He had never pretended he wasn't aware of Kate's relationship with Sawyer, much as it tore him up inside. "Do you... do you miss him?"

Kate exhaled, her eyes still downcast. "Yeah Jack," she said with slight exasperation. "Yeah, of course I do. Of course I think about him." She looked up, her sudden piercing gaze catching him off guard. "Don't you?"

Jack frowned down in to his nearly empty mug of coffee. "Yeah. Yeah I guess I do." It was true. "Yeah, I think about him." He looked out the window at the people passing by. "I think about all of 'em."

They had lurched from uneasy topic to uneasy topic, and both of them sat there with an equally uneasy feeling in the pit of their stomach. But then, they never had made things easy...

Kate didn't doubt for a second that Jack was beating himself up for having left so many of them behind. She felt a surge of pity, and of love, for this man that had only ever tried to help everyone else.

"You did a good thing, Jack. You got us home."

He sighed, eyes blinking closed for a second. "Not all of us."

"Hey." She wanted him to look at her. He did. "It's not your fault." She held his eye. "We're home. You and me." And after a beat, and after a slight hesitation, she reached across the small bit of space between them, and took his hand. She watched him as his eyes went down and took in the sight of her hand holding his. She squeezed his fingers, and he looked back up. Jack nodded, just ever so slightly.

A buzz from Jack's pocket took them both by surprise, and Kate withdrew her hand as he reached for his phone. Flipping it open, he scanned over a text. "It's the hospital," he said, eyes still on his phone. His eyes skimmed over the message one more time, and then he closed it and put it back in his pocket. "I'm thinking of going back to work."

Kate raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean, why not, you know. Have to do some retraining maybe, to get back in to it... But I haven't actually been away for that long. Just feels like an age." His sat back in his seat. His mind was swimming, but the most pressing question that arose was - should he ask her about the hearing? She hadn't told him what had happened. He wanted to know what the situation was; wanted to know if he could help. But he had learned his lesson, and so for now, he left it alone - she'd tell him when she was ready to tell him, he figured. Which was exactly right.

"I should probably get going," he said after a moment of quiet.

"Yeah, me too." Kate reached for her bag.

They left the coffee shop together, Jack holding the door open and propping his sunglasses back on top of his head.

"It is bright out here." Kate held her hand up to shield her eyes from the sun. They wandered a few paces down the street, which was busy with traffic and pedestrians.

"Are you parked nearby?" Jack raised his voice slightly over the noise of the passing cars.

"Actually I took the bus." Kate nodded her head towards a bus stop across the street.

They stopped walking, realising they were heading in different directions. "Right. Well... it was good to see you." He looked down at her, wishing they had stuck to the lighter conversation topics.

Kate looked up at him. "You too, Jack."

"And I'll come by and see - Aaron som-" Jack started to say, but was cut off by two cars honking their horns at each other.

"Sorry?"

Jack leant towards Kate, moving closer to her so she could hear him. "I said, I'll come and see Aaron sometime soon." She felt his breath on her cheek, and then she felt his fingers landing lightly against her arm. "Good luck with the house."

She turned her head slightly to look up at him. They were very close. She could still feel his breath hit her face, could smell his aftershave, could feel herself shrink under his close gaze. Her eyes darted between each of his, and flickered down to his lips. She was close enough to see the afternoon stubble starting to emerge on his cheeks. "Thanks."

Jack dropped his hand and stepped back. "I'm over there," he motioned with his thumb towards his car, which was down the street in the opposite direction. "Let me know how it goes tomorrow."

"I will."

-.-.-.-.-

* * *

Jack hadn't expected to hear from Kate quite so soon, so when his phone buzzed the next morning and Kate's name appeared on the screen before he'd even gotten out of bed, he allowed himself a little smile.

He opened the message. _"You seen the news..?"_ \- that was all it said. Jack frowned as his heart sunk ever so slightly, wondering what was bad enough on the news to prompt Kate to text him. He sat up in bed, sheets falling down to his midrift, and reached over for the remote to switch the TV on.

The current segment on NBC was about the stock-market, and all he could find on the next channel was a weather report. He flicked through, not seeing anything of interest and about to give up, when suddenly he saw himself on the screen.

 _"...and an interesting development today in the story of the Oceanic Six, the six survivers of the plane crash of Oceanic Flight 815..."_ \- the newsreader was reading a voiceover as grainy photos flashed up on the screen - "... _evidence to suggest that spinal surgeon Jack Shephard and criminal Kate Austen are having an affair, presumably beginning shortly after they crashed-landed and continuing while they struggled to survive..."_ And on the screen was a photo of them. It was a photo from yesterday, on the street outside the coffee shop. It was a photo of Jack standing next to Kate, standing much closer than would be normal, taken when he was speaking in her ear to be heard over the traffic. The TV zoomed in on their grainy faces, and flicked to another, slightly different angle of the picture, taken from behind Jack so it looked like he might have been kissing her. It also showed his hand on her arm, and it looked quite plausible that they were together. _"...probably began amongst the chaos of the crash, as they sought solice in each other amongst the madness they had ended up in..."_ Jack's mouth was hanging open ever so slightly. _"...Miss Austen, who was wanted at the time of the crash for a number of crimes including arson, grand theft auto, larceny, and murder in the first degree, is believed to be smitten with Mr Shephard, a successful spinal surgeon at St Sebastian's Hospital in Los Angeles..."_ Jack raised his eyebrows in incredulation. Absentmindedly, he reached for his phone.

 _"Wow. Yeah. I've seen it."_


	9. Chapter 9

Hello friends! As ever, I apologise for how long this has taken. Thank you so so much for all the reviews - I just love reading them. You'll have to forgive me for this one - I messed the storyline up slightly by not including this earlier - but just roll with it, it doesn't really affect how things play out! Hopefully it won't be too long til I can post the next update..!

* * *

There was an awkward lull in communication between Jack and Kate for the next couple of days. Jack felt he was rather responsible for this – after all, he had never elaborated on his last text to her. The truth was, he didn't really know what to say. The tabloids were convinced they were sleeping together, in love, having a fling, having an affair... however they wanted to label it - Jack had seen it. It made him feel uncomfortable, and it made him feel embarrassed. Not because of the content. Because he hated that it was a lie. The media was making a song and dance of his relationship with Kate - but they had it wrong. He had stopped denying his feelings to himself (even if he hadn't gotten to the stage of acting on them)... but now they were being unwittingly splashed across the gossip columns.

He wanted to call her, but he'd noticed that digital communication didn't seem to be their forte. Really, he wanted to smooth things over before the press conference that he had been informed was happening the next day. An Oceanic worker had called him. They were all going to be there - Sayid, Hurley, Sun, Kate and Aaron. Jack had been expecting the call. There had been talk of the event happening as soon as they landed back on American soil, but it never materialised - the madness of getting back to normal life had taken over everybody's schedules. But it had been over a week now, and Jack was glad that he'd had this extra time to get things straight in his head - even if they'd gone over their story, their lie, while they were still on Penny's boat. But Jack had already phoned Sayid, and Hurley, to check in, and to go over their version of events. Sun hadn't answered his call. He hadn't even tried Kate, not knowing what to say to her.

As he showered, his mind swam in the thoughts of what was awaiting him that afternoon. Could he alone be convincing? Could he carry this story for the whole group? Could Jack convince the whole world of an elaborate lie constructed hastily on a boat two weeks ago? Would he slip up? Would one of the others slip up? Hurley worried him - he'd put up the most fight on the boat, trying to get the others to tell the truth. And Sun - he had no idea what she was thinking. He'd tried to talk to her, to call her, but she hadn't answered him. Jack remembered himself following Kate on the boat, grabbing her hand, pulling her on to the chopper - _I'm not leaving without you._ She'd been going to get Jin. And then his own voice roared in his ears - _He's gone! -_ Sun's grief-stricken, sobbing face in the chopper swimming in front of his eyes, the image of the burning boat below him. He didn't blame her for not returning his calls.

He got out the shower and changed in to a brown suit and a blue shirt. He was buttoning up his collar when he realised the time. "Dammit." Pulling his shoes on quickly, he raced downstairs and grabbed his keys, slamming the door behind him.

He drove slightly more carelessly than he should have as he made his way to where the conference was happening, his mind still racing. As he pulled in to the carpark, he saw a gaggle of cameramen and reporters hanging around the door to the building. He cursed again, and pulled in to a spot on the far side of the lot.

After ducking his head and ignoring what any reporters shouted at him, he got in to the building and was led through endless doors and corridors, before ending up coming face to face with the rest of the Six, standing in a small circle behind a huge curtain.

"Hey dude," Hurley greeted him, his voice deadpan.

"Hey." Jack looked around the group. Sayid was standing looking sullen (though that was his usual demeanor) and Sun was completely unreadable. Then his eyes found Kate. She was bobbing Aaron up and down in her arms.

"Hey." She gave him a small smile.

Jack glanced around at everyone. "We all good?" He said to nobody in particular. Nobody answered him, but he caught Sayid's eye, who looked at him with a grim, steely determination.

The lady from Oceanic - he had learned that her name was Ms Decker - arrived suddenly at Jack's side.

"Mr Shephard, you're here, good, we can begin-" she was speaking hurriedly, and started to usher them all towards a gap in the curtain. "Now your name cards are in front of your seats, here we go," she held the curtain up, "Any questions you don't want to answer don't worry about it, I'll be there to step in." Jack was the last through the curtain, and she dropped it behind him and hurried over to a podium on the other side of the stage.

Jack was sitting in the middle of the table, with Kate on one side of him. He gave her a sideways glance as the lady introduced them, but she didn't meet his eye. Jack also spotted his mother in the crowd, and some people he recognised as Hurley's parents.

"...the survivors of Oceanic 815." Ms Decker stopped talking and the reporters immediately clammored and shouted to get their questions asked first. There were lots of flashing lights, lots of people shouting Jack's name. He sat forward in his seat.

One man, a reporter with red hair in a smart suit, stood up. "Uh, can you tell us what it was like when the plane hit the ocean... uh, how you survived?"

Jack had been ready for this one. He'd rehearsed it in his head - played it out, almost to the point he could've believed it himself. He leant forwards to speak in to the mic. "Uhm..." His voice boomed out across the large room, and everyone went quiet, their eyes on him. "It... it happened really fast." He glanced up. "I remember the impact. I remember the... the plane filling up with water. A group of us got to the emergency door and um... got out. Before it went down." He looked the reporter in the eye, confident of his telling of the story.

"And those of you who survived, you swam to the island?"

Jack took a deep breath. "No." He fed the man a lie about eight of them reaching the island alive after being swept in by the current, and he felt Sayid turn to look at him.

"What happened to the other three?"

"One of them, his name's Boone Carlisle," Jack began without hesitation, "suffered tremendous internal injuries and died a few days after the crash," - draw on reality, Jack had figured - "a woman, Libby, she didn't make it through the first week," - Libby's face flashed up in his mind, her last word, a warning that was misunderstood - _Michael -_ "Charlie Pace, he... he drowned a few weeks before we were able to leave."

The clammouring continued, and Hurley was asked about his fortune, and then a lady stood up and asked Sun something in Korean. Sun had translated - the woman was asking about Jin. Jack's body tensed up, looking over to her. She followed his lead, and fed them a lie. "He never made it off the plane." Jack breathed a sigh of relief.

Sayid and Jack answered a couple more questions, and then the first reporter stood up again, looking to Kate. "Miss Austen, what was it like giving birth on the island?"

Jack glanced at her, his eyes narrowing ever so slightly. She leant forwards. "Scary."

The man continued and questioned her about Aaron, and her pregnancy - and about her charges. Jack leant forward, ready to step in - but the Oceanic lady on the podium did so for him. "I'm afraid Miss Austen's legal issue is off the table."

Another lady stood up. "Mr Jarrah. Given the amazing circumstances surrounding the survival of you Six, is it possible there are any other survivors of the crash yet to be discovered?"

Jack's head, much like everyone's around him, turned to Sayid. "No. Absolutely not." Sayid answered after a brief hesitation. Turning back to face the sea of reporters, Jack squinted slightly as the flashing cameras continued.

"Mr Shephard, Mr Shephard -" a lady called out, standing up. "Would you like to address the claims regarding yourself and Miss Austen which have been posted online in the past few days?"

Jack's body tensed up again slightly as he leant towards the mic. "There's nothing to address."

The woman wasn't deterred. "So you two aren't together?"

Jack smiled, somehow, amused at the direct question. "No." He looked at Kate. "Unless I'm forgetting something." He saw her cheeks go slightly red and her eyes clung on to his, clearly not enjoying the attention. "Kate and I are just friends."

He was pleased when somebody shouted over the lady with a question for Hurley. There were so many questions, so many vague answers, so many lies. The press conference lasted about thirty minutes before it was drawn to a close. The Six were applauded off the stage, which made Jack feel rather uncomfortable, and he ducked back under the curtain, Kate by his side. His arm was on her back, leading her forwards but also a feeble gesture to protect her from the babble on the other side of the curtain. "You did good," he reassured her, looking down in to her face.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't really say anything."

"That's alright. Doesn't matter. It's over now." He tried to give her an encouraging smile as Hurley caught up to them.

"Well that sucked," he announced, and Jack couldn't help but agree. "Where's Sayid going?" He asked, looking over Jack's shoulder at Sayid walking away, talking to a lady wearing an Oceanic uniform.

"Beats me." Jack realised Sun was standing nearby, taking a drink from the water cooler. He ducked out of the conversation and headed towards her. "Hey, Sun."

She looked up. "Hey, Jack."

He couldn't read her. She stared at him, emotionless. "How are you holding up?" He didn't know what else to ask.

"How do you think I'm holding up?"

Jack was unsure, again, of what to say. "Yeah. I guess that was a stupid question."

She didn't drop her gaze. "I'm flying home this evening. Back to Korea, with my parents. I was just waiting for this to be over, and to sort out the settlement money."

Jack took this in, nodding. "Right. They must be... so happy to have you back."

Sun shot him a look of disdain, filled with the knowledge that he had no idea of her family dynamics. "Sure." She turned to leave.

"Have a good flight," Jack said, standing slightly bereft as she started to walk away. "Keep in touch..." She didn't answer. Instead, she approached Kate and Hurley, who both gave her a hug, and exchanged a few words, before Sun left. Jack watched all this from a short distance away, his mind flitting between Sun's disdain for him to Sayid's sudden absense to Kate and his answer to the question about their non-affair.

Hurley bid them farewell and headed out to meet his parents, leaving Jack and Kate alone. He looked at her. She looked at him.

"You want a ride home?"

"Sure."


	10. Chapter 10

Happy Monday everyone - here's another chapter for you! Thank you SO much for the reviews, and for not being annoyed that I didn't include the press conference sooner... you're all just brilliant! Hope you enjoy this one - it was quite fun to write... I'm trying to strike a realistic difference between them making it difficult (as they always did, of course) and them actually getting together (as they did... of course!). I hope you enjoy this one. Thanks again guys! xxx

Chapter 10

They had a comfortably quiet drive back to Kate's new house on Panorama Crest. The radio played quietly and Kate and Jack were both lost in their thoughts. The journey lasted about twenty minutes, and Jack pulled in to her driveway, shutting the engine off and looking over at her. "So this is it huh?" He glanced up at the house.

"This is it." She smiled, opening her door and readjusting her hold of a sleeping Aaron. "You want a quick tour?"

Jack glanced at the clock on the dashboard, aware of the time. "Sure." He smiled back.

They entered her house and Kate threw her keys down on the side table. It was dark until Kate flipped on the kitchen light, illuminating the back half of the ground floor. "Have a look around, if you want. Sorry it's such a mess." She still had Aaron in her arms. "I'm just going to put him to bed." She slipped off her heels and headed upstairs with the baby, leaving Jack alone.

He wandered through to the kitchen, and walked around the dining table. Opening a cupboard door, he noticed that she was already better stocked than he was. Heading back in to the living room, there was a sofa, and some new baby clothes, but not much else. He sat down on the sofa.

A few minutes later, Kate padded back downstairs. "Sorry about that," she said softly as she approached him.

"How is he?" Jack kept his voice low, so as not to disturb the quietness of the house.

"He's fine. Hopefully he'll sleep through for a while." She sat down next to him on the sofa. Her face was half illuminated by the light from the kitchen, and half in the relative darkness of the room they were in. "You want a cup of coffee?"

Jack puffed out his cheeks and checked his watch. "I uh, I'd really be better getting home. I start at the hospital tomorrow."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Gotta be up... bright and early." He gave a very light laugh, not making any move to leave despite his statement.

Kate didn't say anything either. She just sat there for a moment, staring down at the coffee table, her hands clasped together on her lap.

"You ok? After today?" Jack asked, his voice steady and serious. He watched her carefully, wondering how much this was really affecting her.

"Yeah. I'm ok." She answered without looking at him.

He nearly probed her some more, but he stopped himself, knowing she probably wouldn't appreciate it.

He frowned and joined her in concentrating his gaze on the coffee table. "I hated it." He sighed, deciding to be straight-up with her. "I do hate it. I hate the attention, I hate that we have to lie. I hate that we left everyone behind and we can't say anything about it."

Kate glanced sideways at him. His brow was furrowed, and she could see that the muscles in his body were tensed. She didn't say anything.

"I know it's gotta be done, but... I wish... I wish-" Jack exhaled heavily and suddenly, his body slouching slightly, as if in defeat. "I don't even know what I wish. I wish it didn't have to be this way."

It was a simple statement, but full of nuance. He wished they had never crashed on the island, he wished their friends hadn't died, he wished they hadn't left people behind, he wished Kate wasn't on trial, he wished he wasn't just sitting here next to her unable to tell her how he felt. He wished it was all different.

"Me too." Kate didn't really know what else to say. She was quite taken aback by how much he was opening up to her about this. Glancing sideways at him once more, she reached out and took his hand, which was lying limply on his thigh. She took it and enveloped it in hers, their hands connected between them on the sofa. They sat there for a little while, just holding hands, not saying anything.

Eventually, Jack turned his head to look at her. He waited for her to return his gaze before he spoke. She did - her eyes met his and they shone in the darkness.

"What happened at your arraignment?" He asked the question softly, and directly, with no agenda - just love.

Kate seemed to recognise this, and she didn't flinch, or look away, or sugar-coat her answer. She spoke back quietly, but directly. "They're going to set a date. And they're going to try me for fraud, arson, grand larceny, grand theft auto, assault, and murder."

Jack didn't break eye contact, but his heart sunk in his chest. He held her gaze, and her hand, and didn't back down. "I'll be right here."

A small, sad, unintentional smile pulled at Kate's lips at Jack's quiet, simple statement, loaded with meaning and promise.

He smiled back.

A few seconds passed, and Jack felt the hairs on the back of his neck start to stand up. He noticed as Kate's Adam's apple bobbed up and down, and only then did he break the spell that was lingering between them by looking away.

"I'd better get going." He said it with regret, but he knew that if he stayed any longer, he would never convince himself to leave.

They untangled their hands and stood up, Kate pushing her hair back behind her ears.

She walked with him to the door, reaching out to open it. Suddenly, without overthinking what he was about to say, Jack stopped, placing his hand over hers once again as it sat on the door handle.

"Kate, I - I'm sorry, about the newspapers." He frowned slightly and pursed his lips together, angling his head as he looked at her. "I know it's - it's not what you need right now."

She dropped her hand from the doorknob and from beneath his, and looked up at him. "Don't worry. I've heard... worse accusations." She raised an eyebrow.

He nodded his head up and down a couple of times and glanced at the floor, licking his licks and frowning slightly as he looked back up. "Yeah. I'm still sorry."

Kate took a breath. "It's not your fault." She gazed up at him. He was close to her, and she couldn't have broken his gaze even if she'd wanted to. The moment stretched on - became longer and longer, neither of them breaking it, not looking away, not moving apart. She noticed Jack swallow, and when she looked back up at his eyes, she saw that they were on her lips. She waited, not moving an inch, her heart in her mouth, and then he moved, he moved towards her, imperceptibly at first, and then suddenly, she could feel his breath on her face, she could see his pupils dilate and then she felt his lips against hers, and she kissed him back without a moment's hesitation. She might have expected a light, tentative first approach from Jack, but it was immediately apparent that that wasn't what he was going for. He kissed her deeply, his hand landing on the small of her back, pulling her slightly closer, and she responded in kind, her hand finding his waist and grabbing hold. She kissed him earnestly, lovingly, desperately - like she had always wanted to. Her hands moved up and cupped his face, just like they had the first time she had kissed him - and she felt his fingertips on her bare waist. She let him push her - gradually and gently and gentlemanly - against the door, and she pulled him even closer, his body flush against hers against the woodwork. His hands were making their way to new territory, when something made them both suddenly pull apart.

A cry from the baby monitor crackled through the air, startling them both, and turned towards it, breathing heavily. Jack looked back down at her, her eyes sparkling in the darkness, and didn't say a word. Neither did Kate.

Another cry was emitted from the monitor on the table, and Kate looked at it. "I should probably go check on him." She gulped, licking her lips.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure, of course." Jack ran his hand through his hair, taking a step back. "Yeah, go ahead. I should really be getting back."

"Oh." Kate bit her lip, unsure. She adjusted her shirt, which was ruffled and had been pulled up. "Sure. Get home safe."

"I will." Jack put his hand on the doorknob, looking at her, not knowing what to say. The baby's cry continued through the monitor. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Yeah."

"Ok." He opened the door, and the fresh night washed over him, making him feel like he was sobering up, even though he hadn't been drunk. He turned back around one last time. "Night Kate."

"Night Jack." She closed the door.


	11. Chapter 11

Happy Weekend, guys! I can't believe this story has over 100 reviews! I can't thank you guys enough... that makes me so so happy, I love that there are folk out there who miss this show and these two characters in particular as much as I do! Hope you continue to enjoy what I write. I'm sorry my updates are so sporadic - I'll keep trying to make them more consistent. Here's the next chapter - hope you like it :)))

Chapter 11

Kate held Aaron tightly in her arms, bobbing him up and down as his cries slowly quietened. "Shh sweetie," she whispered in his ear, running her hand gently through his blonde hair. But her reassurances were absent-minded. Her thoughts were being pulled in a million different directions after what had just happened.

She was taken aback by how she was feeling - how he had made her feel. Perhaps it was the build up - they had been dancing around each other for so long, and finally being so close to him - finally letting go, and letting herself _want_ him, and to feel him _want_ her - it felt... significant. Like something important had just happened. She felt her heart soar in her chest, and bit back a smile against Aaron's shoulder. She could still feel the lingering touch of his fingertips on her waist, the feel of him pulling her closer against him, so much desire in his touch, like he'd burnt a trail wherever his fingers had landed; her stomach flipped over as she relived the feeling of his body pressed against hers. _Jack's body. Jack._ She tried to manage the shakey smile that was pulling at her face.

She wished he was still there - waiting for her, downstairs, ready to pick up where they left off. And then the tentative smile faded away, and she fought the frustration and annoyance that swelled up inside her. Why did he have to run? She remembered the moment the cry came through the baby monitor, remembered exactly what they had been doing... Her fingers had been creeping under his shirt and she had felt as he pushed himself against her even more, and she kissed him quicker than before, getting mad enjoyment out of their new closeness - when suddenly Aaron's cries crackled through the device on the table. They pulled apart at the same time, shaken out of the moment, and she looked up at him in the darkness, his eyes shining down at her... she couldn't bring herself to say anything; his body still pressed against hers, she anchored her eyes to his, and the two of them shared this intensely private moment, not looking away, aware that they'd crossed the line now, aware that they both wanted more, they'd always wanted more... the baby cried again, and she tore her eyes away from his to look at the monitor. She felt as his body slowly disattached itself from hers... she wasn't sure what she said, but suddenly he was making his excuses and was out of the door... She was pissed - _why_ did he have to run?

But the irony wasn't lost on her. Uninvited, the image swam in to her head of the first time they had kissed - that clearing, the tears in her eyes, his comforting words, her hands on his cheeks and his lips against hers... and then his face, taken aback and wide-eyed - and then Kate running, literally running away, Jack calling her name - but she didn't look back, she ran. So her anger subsided, slightly... She understood the need for headspace. But why run? The barrier had been broken now; he couldn't run from that forever. He'd have to face her at some point...

Taking a deep breath, she looked down at the little boy in her arms, still bobbing him up and down lightly. His eyes were starting to flicker closed and his crying had stopped, and he started to fall back asleep. She lay him down gently in his crib, and kissed him goodnight.


	12. Chapter 12

Yes, you're reading this correctly - another chapter posted a mere week after the last! ;) I know I'm really sporadic with this fic, but I love writing it and I have no plans to stop - it just depends on when I have the time. Thanks for putting up with my unreliability. I can't thank you enough for your reviews of the last chapter. They really made me smile - thank you so much for putting the time in to write nice things about this story! It means the world. I tried to offer some insight in to Kate's feelings last time - though as I'm sure you've realised, I always find it a bit harder to read her than I do Jack. I spend a lot of time thinking about Jack's headspace after he got off the island, so this kind of encapsulates some of that. Hope you like it. X

Chapter 12

Jack's mind was going at a hundred miles an hour. He was driving in just about a straight line, probably slightly over the speed limit, his head fuzzy, as though a mist had descended and he couldn't quite think straight. He rapped his fingers on the steering wheel and stared blankly at the car ahead of him, feeling the adrenaline pumping through him. What had just happened..? The break lights on the back of the car in front lit up, and a red hue illuminated his face and the inside of his vehicle. Automatically, he applied pressure to the breaks and slowed the car down. The slower speed and the bright light seemed to kick some clarity in to him, and he took a deep breath, winding down the window as the car ground to a halt before the traffic lights. He tried to process what had happened, wondering immediately if it was a mistake. He glanced out the open window. How had he just... _kissed her..._ without thinking about it?

The streets around him were mostly deserted and dark, the occasional street lamp lighting up the empty pavements. After three or four minutes of just listening to the hum of the car engine, Jack reached a cluster of buildings with people spilling out and milling around. He drove past a couple of bars with music so loud it was rattling their windowpanes, and he clenched his jaw. The music had jarred him; he felt rattled - he felt nervous, and elated, and it had been a long time since he had felt like that.

Pulling in at the next free space on the pavement, Jack shut off the car engine and sat for a moment. He glanced over at the dive bars, watching as a young couple stumbled out, laughing in each other's' arms. The door swung shut behind them, and he caught a glimpse of a dingy bar full of young people clammering at a bartender. Rows of dusty spirits bottles sat on the shelf behind him.

For a moment, he was caught in two minds. He had his hand on the handle of the car door before he stopped himself. He shook his head, and before he could think about it, he restarted the engine and pulled out, continuing the journey home.

* * *

"I'll take, uh..." Jack's eyes scanned the spirits that were lined up along the bar. "I'll take a Scotch, whatever you recommend. Neat."

The barman nodded and set to it, clearly not about to recommend him anything good. Jack settled on to a stool at the bar, shrugging off his jacket and lying it on the chair next to him. He rolled up his sleeves and his exposed forearms rested on top of the shiny black stone bar surface.

He had avoided this place last night, because he _knew_ he'd end up drinking himself in to oblivion, and he liked to think he had a bit of self-awareness about that kind of thing, after all the years he'd watched as his father's drinking got worse and worse. But all day, he'd had in his head the image of the cheap spirits on the shelves and the recollection of the music so loud it could block out his thoughts. So here he was, the next evening, no better off than the night before, in the place he'd tried to avoid. Ironically, the pounding music and the crowd of people only served to heighten his focus and leave him sitting in solitary, with only his thoughts and his scotch as company.

His day had been a long one. Naturally, he hadn't had much sleep, and his alarm clock woke him at 8.15 to remind him to get up and go to work. His first day back at work, in fact. He'd taken a quick shower, made coffee, and was out the door by 8.45. Meetings and reacquaintances had taken up the majority of his time, along with a brief but uncomfortable conversation about Christian, which nobody enjoyed and consisted of muttered confused condolences and a general avoidance of eye contact. After that, the focus was on the future and getting Jack back to work, and he knew damn well that was exactly what he needed. He'd much rather his thoughts be caught up in x-rays and surgeries than being swamped with the memory of those he'd left behind.

Now, sat at the bar, he was exhausted. He finished his scotch - which tasted as cheap as he had expected it to - in one gulp, savouring the burn as it coursed down his throat. "Can I get another one of these?" He called to the barman.

And now, finally, he let himself confront the thoughts that had been nagging at him all day. His mind had been replaying his encounter with Kate over and over again, but he'd refused to let himself think anything more about it. The barman presented him with his second drink. Jack took a sip, and placed it back on the bar, his hands wrapped around the glass, staring down in to the dark liquid. Had he made a mistake? Had he crossed a genuine boundary that there really was no going back from this time? In the past, they had been able to sweep it under the rug. It'd happened before, he knew that, but not like this. The first time, she had been upset, and he had been there for her, and later on, she had apologised for it. And they managed to not talk about it, not even once. Last time, he was the one who was upset - not to mention drunk. And it had been late, and he'd made his excuses, and she'd let it go. But this time, he had been stone cold sober, and it had been much less innocent, and he _knew_ what would have happened if Aaron hadn't cried out. He didn't know if that would've been a good thing or not.

Jack had finished his second drink, and the barman had already placed another one down in front of him. "You wanna start a tab?"

"Sure." Jack avoided the barman's eye, and swirled the liquid round in the glass, before taking a small sip.

Maybe things would be different now. That was his biggest worry - maybe she wouldn't want to see him. He'd said he'd call her, but he hadn't. He hated himself for the fact that he'd created this situation; this feeling of uncertainty and intensity that bubbled up inside him; he was the one who had kissed her, and he was the one who had left, and he was the one who hadn't caller her. He took another drink.

Unbidden, the image of Sawyer on the chopper swam in to his mind. Sawyer, whispering something in her ear, and then kissing her, and then jumping. _Being the hero,_ a small voice at the back of his head whispered, not for the first time. He frowned and took another drink of scotch. Then, almost automatically, another image forced its way in to his head - back on the island, when he'd sat down to have dinner with Juliet, having just ignored Kate's blatant flirting in their makeshift kitchen. He sat down to eat his food and he tried to ignore it, and he tried to not care, but he just couldn't help himself watch her out the corner of his eye as she marched over to Sawyer's tent, and he knew exactly what she was going there to do. It killed him, it really did - he could still recall the piercing feeling in his chest, the crippling disappointment - even though he _knew,_ he knew he was sitting with Juliet to try and show Kate he didn't care. But he did - he'd always cared; from the moment he met her, all he had wanted was her.

And he started to feel the doubt seep in, as it always did when he considered the relationship between Kate and Sawyer, which he could never quite get his head around. But then he remembered last night; the feel of her hands, the way she had pulled him roughly closer to her, the way she had kissed him back with an almost aggressive passion, the way he had felt in that moment, like nothing else mattered and like he _knew_ she felt exactly the same way - and he told himself that she hadn't rebuffed him, or rejected him, or just half-heartedly reciprocated. Maybe... he stopped the thought. Maybe nothing. Maybe doesn't matter.

He wanted to call her - he'd said that he would. He took out his phone. There was a message on the screen from a journalist; the third that day. He exited it, annoyed that somebody had found out his phone number, but he pushed that thought easily from his head. He found his contacts, scrolled down, and without thinking about it too much - Dutch courage probably playing a part - he clicked.

The phone rang four times before she answered. "Hello?"

"Hey. It's Jack."


	13. Chapter 13

Hello friends! I have another chapter for you. Thank you so, so much for your reviews - they bring me so much joy. Hope you enjoy this one. :)

Chapter 13

"Jack, hey."

Kate held the phone between her shoulder and her ear, her head at an angle, and plunged her hands back down in to the soapy dishwater. She was washing up, and she continued to scrub at the plates from dinner earlier that evening, suddenly nervous to hear his voice. She hadn't heard from him all day, and hadn't expected to at this hour. She glanced at the clock - it was after 10.

On the other end of the line, Jack shifted in his chair. "How're you doing?" He asked, fidgeting with the napkin under his glass of scotch.

"I'm good." She placed the last plate in the drying rack next to the sink and drained the water out of the basin, picking up a towel to dry her hands with. "I didn't think you were gonna call."

Jack's face was half a smile and half a frown as he watched the liquid in the bottom of the glass shimmer in the low bar lights. A smile for the sentiment that she had been waiting for him to call; a frown for the fact he hadn't had the guts to do so all day. "Yeah. Sorry." Deciding he should offer more than two words, he explained weakly - "First day back at work."

"How was it?"

"Ok. Busy. But that's... a good thing." He laughed lightly, his self-awareness heightened as he observed his own intensity through his current haze of alcohol.

Kate nodded, though he couldn't see that. She held the phone slightly closer to her ear, listening closely. "Where are you?" she asked curiously, hearing the hubbub in the background.

A beat passed before Jack answered. "A bar." He frowned again, suddenly somehow feeling ashamed. He shook it off. "You wanna join?" He asked impulsively.

Kate smiled in to the receiver. "Aaron's asleep," she said in explanation.

"Mhm," Jack mumbled on the other end of the phone, as though to convey his understanding.

"Besides-" Kate continued hesistantly, but with an attempt to sound light-hearted - "I'm not sure we should involve vodka..." She was trying, desperately cautiously but also blatently obviously, to allude to their last encounter, and the consequences of what might happen were they to get drunk together.

Jack grinned, and she heard it in his voice as he replied. "Who said anything about vodka?" He kicked the bottom of his bar stool. "I know plenty of nice places."

She didn't say anything. Jack's grin faded slightly, but didn't disappear completely. "What about it? Can you get a sitter over the weekend?"

"Uh-" Kate was hesitant. Was that a good idea? She had literally no clue if it was a good idea or not. "Maybe. I can ask Veronica." She hedged her bets.

Jack knew that that was exactly what she was doing. But - he didn't really blame her. He knew he was being forward, and he'd probably regret it in the morning. "Great. Ask Veronica."

On the other end of the phone, Kate's attention was grabbed by muffled noises of discontent coming from the baby monitor. "I will." She headed towards the stairs. "I've gotta go. Aaron's waking up."

Jack smiled. "He's at it again, huh?"

This time Kate did smile for real. "Sorry."

"Goodnight Kate."

"Night Jack. Get home safe."

"I will." Jack pulled the phone away from his ear, and looked at the screen. The call went dead, to show that Kate had hung up. He snapped the phone shut and slid it back in to his pocket. "Can I get the cheque?" He called to the barman. He picked up his suit jacket and put it on, pulling out his wallet as he did so. Glancing at the damage on the bill, he pulled out a wad of notes, counted them out, and left them on the bar. Then he walked out, hailed a cab, got home, and went straight to bed. He dreamt of nothing, and it was bliss.


	14. Chapter 14

No, you aren't reading this wrong... I'm back! I can only apologise. Life really does fly by... I've not forgotten about this fic, or about these two characters - I've actually been working on this quite a lot. Everyone that's left a review even though I haven't updated in months... thank you so much. I _love_ reading them - really I do. It makes my day. So, I'm going to post another chapter straight after this one. I hope it makes up (slightly) for the total lull in updates recently. :)

Chapter 14

The next couple of days passed in a bit of a flurry. Jack was at work again - unsurprisingly - and striding down the corridor to his office. He had almost been feeling like, in actual fact, he had never really been in a huge plane crash and stranded on an island for two months. The halogen lights and the buzz of his pager were so familiar, he felt like he hadn't ever been away from the long, white corridors. It really was quite easy to put everything else out of his mind when he was in the hospital. Which was, he knew from experience, both a blessing and a curse. Before he had time to start reflecting on the various ways in which his job had ruined his marriage, he heard his name being called behind him. Turning, he saw his one of his bosses - a member of the board who he had met with when he'd first come back to the hospital the previous week.

"Jack!" She called his name again and caught up to him. Jack turned and smiled as she approached him - she'd probably been the most open and the least patronising when he had discussed the practicalities of coming back to work - a discussion she was keen to continue. He appreciated her concern over his readjustment to the real world. They agreed to head downtown for some fresh air and a coffee and to discuss Jack's feelings on the matter away from prying eyes.

Their discussion was reassuring. Jack was a bit nervous but generally quite confident about starting surgeries again, but she didn't want him to rush it or to push himself too hard too quickly. He smiled at these typical traits of his, and held open the door for her, both of them clutching hot coffee cups as they left the shop to head back to the hospital.

* * *

Kate pulled the business card out of her bag, re-checking the address, her neck straining as she looked up at the tall buildings, trying to recognise which one belonged to Duncan's firm. Downtown LA was not an area she knew well, and she was running late already as she trailed along behind a group of tourists, looking like one of them herself as she looked every which way, except for the fact she was dressed for a business meeting and in high heels. She pulled out her phone to check the time. "Dammit," she muttered, seeing that she only had a minute or two until she was supposed to be there.

Her eyes wandered down the row of buildings across the street, peering through the traffic and squinting to make out the numbers and the signs on the buildings. The strip was mainly made up of cafes and bars and food shops, and she frowned with frustration, about to pull out her phone again to call Duncan and express this thought, when her attention was caught by something else entirely.

On the other side of the street, where her eyes had been lingering, she saw a door swing open and, to her astonishment, Jack appeared. She watched as he held open the door for a woman, who he smiled at as she walked out. They had coffee cups in their hands, and before she knew it, they had been swept up in to the crowd and disappeared in to the mass of bustling bodies on the other side of the street. A confused frown had drifted down and settled on her face. She saw him appear and disappear so quickly that she could've thought she'd imagined it, except for the fact that the sudden pang of jealousy that had started to coarse through her and taken her by surprise could not have been stirred by anything apart from seeing _Jack._ She thought fleetingly of herself stood in their makeshift island kitchen... trying shamelessly but without success to flirt with Jack, only to watch as he sat for dinner with Juliet... she'd felt that same pang back then... And what came next - she shook the thought from her head.

Still staring absent-mindedly at the coffee shop across the street, she jumped when her phone started buzzing in her hand. It was Duncan.

"Kate, where are you?"

"I can't find your damned office, Duncan..."

* * *

Jack settled on to his sofa that evening with a copy of the LA Times and a large mug of coffee, propping his feet up on the fouton and popping a biscuit in his mouth, feeling _almost_ relaxed, for the first time in as long as he could remember. His living room lay in relative disarray around him, but he didn't mind. Just as he opened the mammoth paper, his phone, lying next to him on the sofa, buzzed. He picked it up absent-mindedly, still reading the headlines on the first page, and then glanced down at the screen.

" _Hey. Sorry I can't make it at the weekend. Hope the hospital was ok today. Kate."_

Jack frowned down at the phone, his mood slipping immediately towards discontent. He stared at the message for a moment, and then snapped his phone closed, dropping it back on to the cushion. He returned to the stories in the paper and tried to concentrate, but he couldn't stop his mind nagging at him - was this over before it had even really started..?


	15. Chapter 15

Yeah, they're a slow-burn... but you already knew that! ;)

Enjoy. X

Chapter 15

Jack only realised after he'd pressed the doorbell that he was still wearing his tie. He caught sight of his reflection in the small window on the door and reached his hand up to his neck self-consciously. He was just about to loosen his collar when the door swung open in front of him.

There was a look of bewilderment on Kate's face. "Jack." Her eyebrows were raised in surprise, and Jack thought he saw her body tense up ever so slightly.

"Hey," he offered up a warm smile. "I hope you don't mind... I was just on my way back from a meeting at the hospital..." he gestured in a random direction, "and I thought I'd call by..."

Kate glanced behind her, and then back at Jack. "Sure. Uh, come in," she said, after only the slightest hesitation. Jack noticed the hesitation, wondering if he'd made a mistake in stopping by. He hadn't heard from her in a few days, and he just wanted to... check in. He immediately started to wonder if maybe there was a reason he hadn't heard from her.

Kate closed the door behind him, and Jack quickly realised why Kate had been so taken aback by his presence. A man sat on the couch with his back to them both, shuffling a pile of papers. Jack's eyes darted to Kate, who looked at the ground, and then quickly back up again as the man turned around.

"Hey." The man looked surprised to see Jack, and glanced back down at the papers on the table before standing up.

"Uh, Duncan, this is Jack, Jack Shephard," Kate said. Jack's mind buzzed as he tried to think where he'd heard that name before, who this man could be.

Duncan stepped forwards. "Jack, good to meet you," he said, extending a hand.

Jack took it and shook his hand firmly.

"Jack, this is Duncan - my, my lawyer," Kate spoke up. It all clicked in to place in Jack's head then, and he nodded, straightening his back.

"Good to meet you Duncan." Jack looked the man in the eye, trying to suss out his capabilities by giving him a once over. "I'm sorry I interrupted - I can call back another time -" Jack started to say, but Duncan shook his head and gave a little wave of his hand.

"Don't worry about it. We were just finishing up." He stepped back around the sofa, picking up his briefcase and putting most of the papers inside it. A few, he left in a neat pile on the coffee table. "I'll leave you with those," he said to Kate. "Let me know what you think."

Jack stood awkwardly with his hands in the pockets, starting to regret his decision to call round.

"I will." Kate's voice was strained, clearly not enjoying the fact that Jack was privy to this conversation either.

"And I'll see you... Tuesday?" Duncan checked his watch and straightened up, stopping in front of Kate.

Kate nodded. "See you on Tuesday."

He reached out and shook her hand, but somehow it was a much gentler shake than the one he had given Jack.

Kate showed him out. Shutting the door behind him, she stood for a moment with her hand on the doorknob, with her back to Jack. She closed her eyes briefly and took a breath through her nose.

"Sorry about that," she said, turning round.

"God, no, I'm sorry..." Jack said. "I never would've come if I'd known - I didn't mean to interrupt -"

The sound of a creaking noise from behind Jack made him turn around. A woman was descending the stairs, and again Jack's mind turned to bewilderment as he wondered who she was.

"Hey Kate - oh, I'm sorry," the woman said, noticing Jack's presence. Jack gave a polite smile and looked slightly bemusedly to Kate.

"Hey, Veronica, don't worry," Kate gestured to her, inviting her over. "This is Jack, he just dropped by."

Veronica approached them. "Oh, Jack!" she smiled widely, offering her hand, which Jack took and shook once again.

"Nice to meet you."

Veronica turned back to Kate. "He's just gone down for a nap. Should be good for a couple of hours. He was a tired little thing."

"Oh, thank you. Really, thanks for coming by at such short notice."

"Not a problem, really, any time, any time." Veronica reassured Kate some more, and gushed briefly over Aaron, before getting her coat and leaving the house, with another wave to Jack.

Kate closed the door for the second time, turning back towards Jack with a slightly more relaxed look on her face this time. "It's a bit crazy in here today. Sorry". Her cheeks were slightly flushed, and she interlocked her fingers in front of her, twisting her hands slightly.

"Anyone else I should be on the lookout for?" Jack asked lightly, glancing around.

Kate smiled, and he noticed her body relax a bit - she stopped playing with her hands. "You're all good - that should be everyone."

He gave a tinkling laugh. She offered him a cup of something warm, and he took her up on the coffee, following her through to the kitchen.

"House is looking good," Jack observed, looking around.

"Yeah, we got lucky," Kate said over her shoulder as she filled the kettle. "Are you ok with instant?"

"Of course."

He watched her as she opened her cupboards to fetch the various components for their drinks. She had her back to him still.

"Have - have the reporters been giving you any problems?"

They hadn't really spoken about the photos of them splashed across the trashy magazine covers.

Kate tilted her head slightly, placing two mugs on the surface. "It's not too bad." She turned around. "They've been shouting your name at me on the street a bit... which is an improvement on some of the other stuff they've been shouting at me." A small embarrassed smile pulled at the corner of her mouth.

Jack nodded, glancing at the ground. "Could be worse. At least it distracts from... everything... the crash..." He phrased it awkwardly. How was it he was confident in telling their lie with the eyes of the world upon him, but talking about the truth in her kitchen made him feel uncomfortable..?

Kate frowned, not quite looking him in the eye as she passed him his coffee.

They sat down on the sofa next to each other, and sank in to the cushions. Kate let herself relax in to the pillows, and took a sip of her tea before placing it on the coffee table.

"The past few days have been so crazy," she said, scratching the back of her neck. "Duncan wasn't even supposed to be coming round, he only called me yesterday, there was some stuff we had to go over... And so then I had to call Veronica, and it was all so last minute and it took forever... So it all took me by surprise a little bit."

Jack glanced at her, an eyebrow raised to signal that he was just joking - "Yeah, I was a little surprised too, finding a man in a suit on your sofa." He placed his own mug on the table.

She raised an eyebrow in return. "What, you think I started dating again already?" She laughed, and Jack enjoyed the sound of it, watching as her body relaxed and she amused herself. "Sure - 'oh, I met the loveliest guy at the courthouse, I think he might be the one'," she joked, somehow poking fun at the situation.

Jack laughed as well, amused at the idea. He grinned at her. "You never know," he said, laughter permeating his voice.

Kate wrapped her hands around her mug. "And you would know." She said it before she could stop herself, and instantly wished she could take it back. Jack's smile dropped slightly, but didn't disappear.

"What?" He was confused.

She smiled, tried to laugh it off. "Nothing." She took a sip of coffee, still smiling but not _quite_ meeting his eye.

Jack furrowed his eyebrows, totally taken aback by her comment. "What do you mean I'd know?"

Kate exhaled deeply, placing her mug back on the coffee table. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry." She glanced away. "It doesn't matter - I -" she looked at Jack, who was watching her expectantly "-I just saw you with some woman the other day. Getting coffee. I thought maybe you were... getting back out there, y'know." She tried to sound light-hearted, but she looked away awkwardly.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "'Some woman'?" He looked at her. "You been spying on me?" His eyes flickered, amused.

Kate frowned, not sure if she was enjoying the taunting or not. "What, you take all your female friends out for coffee now?"

Jack pursed his lips, amused. "Oh yeah, I got a ton of groupies since we got back home." This wasn't untrue, but he was only saying it to wind her up. Why did she care if she saw him with another woman? Childishly, fleetingly, he thought of the times he'd had to watch her with Sawyer.

"I bet you do," Kate laughed begrudgingly.

Jack thought for a moment. "On Thursday?"

"Uh - yeah."

He nodded. "That was one of the directors from the hospital. We were talking about my reintegration in to the team." He drank some more coffee. "She's really good, actually..." he glanced at Kate. "But I wouldn't take her on a date. She'd eat me alive." He finished his drink and set down his mug, and she laughed, watching him.

"Sorry." She smiled. "It's not really my business anyway."

Jack was playing with his hands, his fingers dancing around their counterparts. He frowned, and took a small sigh, before looking up at her. She met his gaze, and he held it for a moment too long before speaking. "You know how I feel, Kate."

She didn't say anything - she didn't know what to say. She felt like she couldn't speak, like a spotlight was on her; she sat there under his gaze and held his eye, but her mind had emptied and her heart had sped up. He watched her for a moment, his eyes darting between hers. But still she didn't say a word.

Jack stood up. "I'd better head home." He picked up his mug, taking it over to place next to the sink.

Kate stood up too and followed him. "You don't want another coffee?" She glanced at the clock. "Or - you could stay for some food. I think it's chicken nuggets tonight though..." Her hand found a soft toy that was sitting on the worktop; a whale. Jack smiled.

"Let me know if you ever need a sitter." He said, and she thought this was a strange statement for him to end on. He gave her one final smile, though she felt it didn't quite reach his eyes. Then he headed for the door.

"I'll call you." Kate was the one to offer up that promise, this time.

"Sure. Have a good evening." He opened the door and stepped outside. "See you later."

She watched as he walked down her drive, and turned a corner, not glancing back. Her stomach sat uncomfortably, and she bit her lip as she sat back down on the sofa, staring blankly at the black, inanimate TV screen.


	16. Chapter 16

Hello! As ever... thank you so, so much for the reviews. They really mean the world! I am so happy people are still enjoying the story. This one is a bit of set-up, really... I've written the next couple of chapters already, so you shouldn't have to wait too long... ;)

Chapter 16

The TV was switched on now, but it had been muted. The bright, changing pictures were illuminating the living room, which was darkening as each hour passed and the sun disappeared from the sky. She wasn't watching television, though. She was leafing through the papers that Duncan had left for her; trying to take in the implications. Some phrases jumped out at her... " _murder in the first degree" "recommended jail term... life imprisonment" "custody battle for her young son"..._ She closed her eyelids for a moment, pressing her fingers gently to her temples. She'd heard it all before, of course - but that was before she had a child to look after, and to love. She sat in the silence, and dropped the paperwork back on to the table, making the impulsive decision to discard it for the rest of the evening. Breathing out slowly through her nose, she reached out to the coffee table for the glass of wine she had poured herself. With her other hand, she picked up her phone, and swirled it around subconsciously between her fingers.

She'd checked on Aaron - he was still sound asleep. She'd washed up after dinner. She'd read these papers over and over again. But something was tugging at her mind. He was.

" _Let me know if you ever need a sitter."_ His last words to her from earlier today replayed in her mind. A sitter? What was he talking about? What possible situation would have him babysitting Aaron without her, now that she had a nanny? She thought she knew the undertones, the implication, and she resented it - "go out and have fun, and I'll be on hand to babysit". She frowned.

Kate glanced at the door that Jack had strode out of a few hours earlier. She stared at it for a moment longer, and recalled another encounter with Jack, not too long ago, at the same door. She bit her lip, the memories bringing back a rush of emotion she'd been trying to keep at bay. She remembered the feeling of his hands, grabbing at her clothes; his tongue, hungry against hers. Her stomach dropped out at the thought. There was something else he'd uttered, earlier in the day, that had stuck with her... " _you know how I feel, Kate_ ". She sighed. Fuck, she couldn't trust herself to know how he felt. She didn't even really know how _she_ felt. The things she did allow herself to feel and to acknowledge... they scared her, made her nervous. She'd always felt nervous about her feelings for Jack.

She furrowed her brow, and flipped open her phone. Leisurely, she took another sip of wine, and scrolled to find Jack's name.

She took another gulp, and placed the glass back on the table.

 _What did you mean today?_

She typed it out, knowing it was horribly vague and allusive. But she didn't know how else to approach it. She hit send.

Turning the volume up on the TV, she got up to close the curtains. As she approached the window, she noticed the weather - it was raining heavily. Just looking at it made her shiver. She pulled the curtains closed, shutting out the outside world. Her phone buzzed from the couch.

 _What?_

Raising an eyebrow, she conceded that this was a fair question. The brevity of his response wasn't lost on her.

 _You said if I ever needed a sitter, I should ask you. What did you mean?_

Her phone clicked as it closed, and she tried to refocus her attention on the TV, on whatever mindless game show happened to be on. It took him a few minutes to reply this time.

 _If you ever want to go out. Call me, I'll watch Aaron for you._

She pursed her lips, staring down at his words. _What if I wanted to go out somewhere with you?_

She sent it before she could think twice, and eyed her wine glass with caution.

Again, a few moments passed. _I tried that already. You turned me down._

Kate simultaneously felt her heart stop, and speed up. She looked at her phone for a long time, considering her words. How was it that they were expressing more to each other through text than they could face-to-face?

 _What did you mean when you said I know how you feel?_

She chose to ignore his previous statement entirely.

This time, his response was almost immediate. _You know what I meant._

She sighed, frustrated. She spent a few minutes considering her response, but before she could reply, another message came in. _I tried to show you last week, too._

Her eyes bore a hole in the screen, and she knew, of course she knew, what he meant and how he felt. Thoughts swirled around her head; of Jack, of Tom, of Sawyer, of Wayne, of Juliet... all the other players in their game. The two of them at the centre of it all, dancing around each other, like they always had.

Her phone clattered as she threw her phone back down on to the table top.

—

When Jack woke the next morning, it was like he had an already inbuilt irritation for the day ahead. The sound of his alarm annoyed him; the sun streaming through the gap in the curtain was irksome. It was as though a bad mood settled over him from the moment he opened his eyes. Groaning, he glanced at his alarm clock.

He had a half day today. A surgery to prep for, some paperwork to complete. In his haze of annoyance, he showered and made some coffee. His phone sat on the dining room table, where he had eventually abandoned it last night. He flipped it open, but the only message he had was from Ms Decker, requesting his attendance at another media briefing. Jack spat back a reply in agreement, ground his teeth together, and headed through to his bedroom. He pulled on his slacks, which were lying in a pile on the floor, and dragged a white shirt over his head. His blazer lay over the arm of the sofa, and he stuck it under one arm, grabbed his keys with the other, and strode out of the apartment.

—

He had a half day, but he stayed late anyway. With no desire to return home and sit in silence in his apartment, dodging calls from the media, he instead sat in silence in his office, reading through the pile of papers on his desk. He drank half a dozen cups of coffee, but eventually he felt exhausted. Sighing, he dropped the sheets of paper from his grip and raked his hand through his shortly cropped hair, glancing around at his empty office. The quiet and the impersonal privacy in this room helped him to immerse his brain in everything that wasn't the island. When he had been married to Sarah, he used his office at the hospital to avoid having to confront the knowledge that his marriage was disintegrating. Now, he used it to avoid his nagging guilt... _"We need to protect the people that we left behind"._ His own words echoed in his ears. He shook his head, as though to shake away the memory, and leaned back in his chair. It was after 4. He decided to go home.

—

On his drive home, he resolved to go for a run. He wanted to shake this cloud of irritation from his head. It was a bitterly cold day, so he grimaced against the wind when he stepped outside an hour later in running shorts. Taking a breath, he set off, and he ran for nearly an hour. When he got home again, breathing heavily, he picked up a message from Margo on the answer machine, inviting him over for dinner. He pressed 3 to delete it, and headed to his own kitchen, took a drink of water, and started grabbing pans out of the cupboard. He was frying some spices when there was a knock on his door.


End file.
